Good Boy

We have had some major overhauls in relationships in our household this past month.  Usually Luccio and Isabella are the best of friends and Cenzo is not terribly bothered.  But, things are changing and Isabella is now in a position of major power with her two big brothers vying to be the BEST brother of all.

From the very start Luccio was very attentive to Isabella, holding her, helping with anything I needed him to do for her and playing with her.  As she has grown their relationship has really developed into a beautiful sibling bond.  He looks out for her, she takes care of him.  She refers to him as her "baby" and often tells me at the end of the day she needs to get her "baby boy" from school.  They snuggle on the couch, share toys and make sure each other is included in activities or meals.  When Isabella finds herself in trouble or anyone dares to tell her no, she runs straight to Luccio and tells him.  And he stomps off to handle the situation for her.   God help you if you have wronged his sister.  He is a Bear on a mission to defend her.  And I have been on the receiving end of his lectures when I have dared to cross her.  I have been told more than once she "is just a baby!"

Cenzo usually has a very different role.  He is the Alpha Male of our little pack.  He is 2 minutes older, but has no doubt  taken on the role of First Born.  He and Luccio have formed a great alliance and are best friends.  It works as long as each knows his place.  Luccio doesn't challenge for Top Dog, so all is ok.  As far as Isabella has been concerned, she understands that Cenzo is older and has an authoritative position.  She steps around him carefully and admires and respects him.  But, she knows how to play the game.  She won't step down during confrontation, she knows he will always give in to her because she is the baby.  So she carefully weighs the odds and counts on playing the baby card to get her way.  It works almost every time. And when it doesn't she yells at him and scares the crap out of him!

Cenzo was excited when she was born, he loves babies and was thrilled to have one in the house.  He is great about caring for her.  He fills her milk cup, gets her snacks, and looks out for her.  He is very loving and protective.  But, he has more of a boundary than Luccio.   Luccio doesn't really require personal space so he doesn't think that other people may need it.  He loves to sit on laps or be held or hugged or carried.  So he loves when Isabella wants to be snuggled or brush his hair or treat him like a little baby doll.  But, Cenzo is more aloof.  And Isabella knows it.

He is always polite to her and loving, but doesn't usually seek her out as an equal.  Lately it's changing. He is noticing Luccio and Isabella spend a lot more time together.  They play and talk and laugh together.  And sometimes that mean Cenzo gets left out.  He is used to orchestrating playtime and making the decisions and having Luccio go along with it.  Now that Isabella is holding Luccio's attention and able to play as an equal things are shifting.

It was most noticeable in the last couple of weeks.  The boys were home for school vacation and Cenzo commented quite a bit that he felt "left out, "lonely" and that he thinks Isabella doesn't like him.
I reminded him that sometimes he doesn't include her in playtime with Luccio so she is learning from that example. I suggested maybe he can make an effort to invite her to play and include her in conversations more.

Well, he took that to heart.  He even moved his carseat so he could sit in the 2nd row next to her instead of in the back with Luccio.  Isabella was thrilled! It was as if she has moved up a bit in the Hierarchy.  He has gone all out to try to get her affection and attention.  He tries to read to her and play games she will like.  He compliments her and tells her how pretty her outfits are and how great her hair looks.
He offers to hold her hand when walking places just like Luccio does.  And he has been offering to tuck her in at night.  Usually she tucks the boys in, so this is a funny switch.  She is loving all the extra attention and I think she realizes she has some power in this.  I have read before that sibling relationships can affect the relationships you have later in life and it is interesting to see this happening first hand.  I have a younger brother and I am sure we had similar changes over the years but I don't really remember it.

For the most part, Luccio is being a great sport about all of the changes.  At first I don't think he noticed much.  Then he started to become more aware of the fact that Cenzo moving his seat meant more talking and laughing between his siblings and now he was the one sitting alone.  But, he hasn't complained.

Luccio has had a bond with Isabella from day.  It wasn't forced and developed naturally.  So we didn't have to adjust to it.  Luccio just gave his baby sister loving attention, she gave it back.  But, with Cenzo it's more of a process and Cenzo is still figuring it out.  He wants to have Isabella love him like she loves Luccio.  He wants to be her favorite.  I try explain to him that you get love by being loving.  And that people can love more than one person at a time.  That he doesn't have to be "better than Luccio" to be loved. But, he is competitive by nature.  He thinks that there can only be One favorite.  Isabella is only 2, so she doesn't get that either. So when Cenzo tells her he loves her, she says "I love you too."  Then Luccio will say I love you too Isabella.  And she says, "no I love Cenzo."  Before she was always saying how much she loved Luccio.  So this broke his heart.  I tried to reassure him and explain that she is just learning what these words mean and that of course she still loves him no matter what.

She is often referring to Luccio as "Good Boy."  Which then leaves Cenzo sometimes being referred to as "Bad Boy." I always remind them all that there are NO bad boys or people, just sometimes people make bad choices.  Now that the tide has turned and Cenzo is working so hard for Isabella's approval it is very important to him to be "Good Boy."  And she has blessed him with the honor of being "Good Boy" a few times this week.  Cenzo cannot just accept that, he wants Luccio to then be "Bad Boy."  Cenzo had felt left out of their bond and knows that Luccio has always earned the high honor of Good Boy, so now he figures he should be Bad Boy. He will ask Isabella, "I'm Good Boy right?"  And she says, "yes, Cenno you Good Boy."  Then he says, "Luccio is Bad Boy, right?"   But, Luccio does not like that change.  I do not like that either.  Luccio never worried about that before. As long as he feels loved he never needs someone else to be loved less or not at all.   Just as a side note: She never says Luccio is Bad Boy. It infuriates Cenzo to no end.

As part of winning her love, Cenzo has been telling Isabella he is going to buy her things.  Every time she does or says something nice to him, he tells her is going to buy her a Barbie car to drive!  At first I thought he was doing that so he could somehow win the competition.  But, when I talked to him about it I realized he truly wants to buy things for her because he wants her to know he loves her.  It's crazy to me that he has learned this at a young age that you can show love with material objects. I told him it would mean more to her if he reads to her or wraps her in a blanket and takes care of her.  I pointed out that no one else in the family buys things to show love, we just try our best to be nice to one another.

He seemed to get that point and started to think of things that people have done that are loving, but don't include shopping.

I told them that they are twins. They are brothers, they are BOTH good boys.  But, it feels like I am speaking to the air sometimes because no one is listening lately.  They are trying to convince Isabella that they are the best, they are Good Boy.

I am sure things will return to normal.  We will go back to Cenzo and Luccio being best pals.  Luccio and Isabella being each others babies.  And Cenzo and Isabella being siblings that love each other.  Hopefully they will all be closer and communicate more.

 But, I will not miss these days of competing for Isabella.  I don't like the set up of one being better than the other.  And I know that Cenzo has to feel validated and triumphant in his quest to be loved by Isabella before this competition can truly end.  I just hope he can see that he can be her best friend without having to overthrow Luccio.

They have a lot to learn about love and sibling bonds and loving relationships.  This is just the beginning of a lifetime challenge.  I just pray they can all find love by supporting one another along the way.

Ah, siblings.

Metal Man

Over the weekend I had to have "the talk" with my kids. Not the birds and the bees.  More like the  one about a magic bunny, eggs, a hammer, nails, Roman Soldiers and a man named, Jesus.  THAT talk.  Quite the challenge to explain Easter from the Catholic perspective to 5 and 2 year olds.  They knew more than I thought and understood more than some adults I know.  Their unique perspectives gave me lots to think about!

This wasn't our first talk about God, Jesus and all things sacred.  I used to be a Campus Minister so it is a topic I like and believe in very much. We incorporate our beliefs into our everyday activities.  But, we had a refresher talk as we drove to our Church on the way to the Stations of the Cross on Good Friday.  Our church has a beautiful outdoor Grotto modeled after Lourdes. It is a peaceful place to visit and perfect to walk the Stations in the wooded area near the Grotto.  Several hundred people showed up throughout the day to walk the course.

My conversation with the kids went something like this. First, I reminded them that it was Good Friday and asked if they knew what that meant.  They said yes, they knew it was the day Jesus died.  So we were off to a good start.  I went over how Jesus lived a long, long time ago and loved God so much.  He was God's son and came down from Heaven to teach people on Earth about how much God loves us.  He was a great teacher.

Cenzo wanted to know if people thought Jesus was weird?  In a nutshell yes.  Some people thought so.

"Is that why they arrested him? Because they thought he was weird and they didn't like it?" asked Luccio

I tried to explain that sometimes it is hard to hear messages like the ones Jesus taught about.  Some people did not want to hear that their choices were not good.  And they wanted Jesus to stop trying to get them to change their lives and live better.

We went on to talk about how after he was arrested Jesus had to carry his cross a long, long way to the spot where he was going to die.

Ugh, I DO NOT like having to get around to that part.  But, the boys knew it was coming.
They had some great questions like was the Cross heavy? Did he have to walk up the hills? Did he get to eat or drink? Was he tired? What about his friend Simon the helped him?

I was surprised they remembered Simon, I guess they pay more attention to what I say than I thought, LOL!

As we drove Luccio noticed mountains in the distance and wanted to know if that was like the mountains Jesus had to walk up with his Cross.

I have to be honest I wasn't sure if Jesus walked up mountains with the cross. I remember seeing the Mel Gibson movie and I am pretty sure it was a hilly walk. So I embellished a bit and went with it.  "Yes, those are like the mountains, good connection."

When we started talking about how the soldiers used a hammer to nail Jesus to the Cross the questions got even more interesting.

Cenzo wanted to know where the nails got put and how long it took to nail them in.
Then he asked, "so when the nails went into his hands that is when he turned to metal?"

Uh, um.  I don't remember that part of that story Sweetie.  Huh??

Luccio clarified.  "Mama he means is that when they hung him on our Church?"

Oh.

I clarified that he died on the cross first and then rose from the dead and THEN people remember him by making metal crosses.  But, Jesus did NOT become metal.

"So he came back to life?" asked Cenzo.  "So he is like a Super Hero?"

I tried to explain that Jesus was 100% from God so he has Divine Power.  So he is even stronger than a Super Hero.

That opened a barrage of new thoughts. "How did he get out of the cemetery?"  "Was he like a ghost or did he still have skin?"  "Why didn't they just put Jesus in jail?"

Good question.  Then I had to explain a bit about old fashion justice systems and how it wasn't just Jesus that was hanged on crosses. I put in a small bit about the other criminals that died with him that day and reminded them we would hear the words one said in a song "Jesus remember me when you come into your kingdom."

Luccio wanted to know what happened to the other criminal. Another good question little Bear, not sure though.

Finally I wrapped it up by saying that God's love is stronger than death. And that we would remember Jesus and his walk with the Cross as walked through the Stations.

Cenzo commented, "it's a weird story Mama. Is it true?"

Well, in our family we believe that it is true and in our Church family of Catholics we believe it is true.  But, not all people believe it.  That is what Faith is.  Believing even when everyone else doesn't.

Isabella said, "I love Jesus."

Then Cenzo suggested maybe when he is older he will make robots that can teach about God like Jesus did.  They can say "I am a robot. I believe in God. I love God."

I wasn't sure what to make of that.  If I analyzed it from my adult perspective I would say Cenzo took away the thought that people who believe are like robots.  But, he explained it in a way that made me think he meant that this would really help get the message out to as many people as possible that God is loving. He liked the idea of his robots helping Jesus.

Luccio had one last question, he asked me "is that why the Easter Bunny brings the eggs? Because Jesus was dying?"

Oh goodness, I have no idea how that ridiculous Bunny got involved with the Holiest of days.  But, I tried to tie it in by saying that Jesus came back to life and eggs are a symbol of new life so we use them to remember the Resurrection.  And the Bunny likes eggs so he helps Jesus deliver them.

My brain was EXHAUSTED! I had to stop for a Dunkin Donuts coffee and regroup my mind before we ventured on our walk through the Stations.

The weather was perfect and we met up with my mom, aunts and cousins.  It was a wonderful way to spend Good Friday morning.  And it gave me lots to think about for my own faith reflection and for future conversations with the little ones.

At the Station where Jesus is hanging on the Cross there is a steep set of stairs to walk up to stand at the foot of a very large Cross. At that point Luccio stood waiting to see "how are we going to get into the sky to watch Jesus rise from being dead?"

He truly thought we were going to somehow be beamed up to the sky.

Newman ~ The Next Generation

During my college years I was blessed with wonderful friendships that were made strong through the  opportunities provided by the Newman Center~home of our Catholic Campus Ministry.  Those friendships have lasted through the past 18 years.  And as our families have grown so have our friendships.

Father Bob, aka FB, aka Bobert is the Patriarch of our Newman Family.  I have admitted on more than one occasion that I was reluctant to go to the Newman Center the first time.  My mother saw a flyer for the "Newman Dinners" posted during my first week on campus.  She had met FB at a parents orientation session and convinced me that I MUST go to the dinner to meet new people. UGH! I was shy, I was new to the campus environment and would have rather stayed in my dorm than hang out with a bunch of strangers, and religious ones no less.  My mom reminded me that I enjoyed outings and retreats with my high school youth group and that this would be a good way to get to know people on campus. AND dinner was free and home-cooked.  After a few days of eating the cafeteria there was no doubt left in my mind- I would go to that dinner.  I couldn't convince any of my new friends or even my wacky roomie to go with me. So I ventured alone over to the Newman Center.  It was a 3 family house converted into a community center.  The staff provided free food and free laundry services.  The washer and dryer ran all day and night. And usually the dinners were packed with a couple hundred students.

However, that first night I stopped by the Newman Center was empty.  Except for an alumni couple that were hanging out in the house.  Apparently the dinner was canceled but I didn't realize it.  I tired to make a quick getaway before anyone noticed me, but the couple saw me. I learned their names were Cathy and Greg and they had gone to the college and were a part of the Newman Community.  They were so friendly and as we chatted, FB appeared.  I wasn't quite prepared for FB.  He had shaggy black hair and a white beard, and he is a Franciscan Friar so he wore a black robe.  I had never seen a priest dressed like him before.  Even when he changed into his "regular priest clothes" he still looked a bit more casual than the prissy priests I was used to seeing at Church.  And FB had an energy about him.  If you have ever met a Charismatic spiritual leader you know what I am talking about.  FB is a force of nature.  He has a vision that God alone could have created.  He is holy and wonderful and can inspire people like no one I have ever known before him.  He has his mind on Jesus always. He is good and kind and lives his life as a true testament of faith and an example of St. Francis.  Of course, it took me years to learn that. At 18 I wasn't sure what was up.  I just knew FB was friendly and funny and he felt so bad that the dinner was canceled that he and Cathy and Greg insisted on taking me to the dinner for food.

I didn't know that simply walking across the street to the Newman Center and accepting an invitation to a local diner would change my life forever.  I don't believe it was coincidence that I walked into that house.  It was by mothers prompting and Divine Intervention.  It was a God-incident.

That day began a life I hadn't expected.  I still stayed friends with my "dorm friends" and some of them started coming to the Newman Center too. To be perfectly honest, my friend Tammy had to work REALLY hard to get me to go the Newman Center for anything other than free food or laundry. It took a lot of persuading for me to try a Newman Club meeting.  A prayer group sounded boring and was the last thing I was interested in. Little did I know that group of people would be some of the funniest and most loving friends I could ever ask for!

Over the 4 years I spent at college I went to countless Newman Dinners, retreats 2 or 3 times a year, took many MANY road trips and adventures with my Newman friends, laughed, cried and prayed with the friends that would become my Newman Family.

My Newman years changed the direction of my life.  When I started freshman year I was an English major with the goal of writing for a newspaper or maybe having a novel published.  However, by the time I had graduated my eyes were opened to new and awesome possibilities and the vision I had was through faith-filled eyes.  After graduation I worked for a year with a volunteer corp as a teacher.

Then I returned to the Newman Center, where I would spend the next 8 years being an Associate Campus Minister. FB would move on to a new assignment and I stayed behind at Newman though a succession of priests and staff.  My mother came on board as office manger and took over as the Newman Dinner Coordinator and Chef.  Through community outreach and service and prayer we met so many students one rate years. SO many wonderful people that left an imprint on my heart in their own way.  I treasure those years.  

As with all things in life sometimes you must move on and part ways.  Eventually it was time for the Newman Center to go in a new direction. At one point yet another new priest came on board.  Each leader has their own vision and brings along something to their ministry.  And so it happens that sometimes anothers vision does not align up with your own.  I knew I had to stay true to the faith I had within myself and so it was time for me to move to a new chapter.  So I began to focus my time and energy on my marriage and we began our family together.

 Hubby and I have been blessed with 3 beautiful children, supportive and loving families, and blessings of the Newman friendships that have stayed strong through the years.  After college we all went on to different adventures and experiences.  Yet, we will still reach out to one another and get together as often as possible.  We have celebrated weddings, babies, christenings, birthdays, and mourned losses.  We still laugh together.  Nothing is funnier than begin with an old friend who "gets it."

There are LOTS of babies in our Newman Family now.  It gets hectic! But, we still manage a couple times a year to get together and somehow incorporate prayer.  One of our families recently hosted a St. Patrick's Day Rosary.  Three of our families congregated for pizza and prayers.  Between us we had 10 children age 6 and under.  There was quite a lot of energy to go around! It was so great to see our children play together.  They are really starting to become friends.  Even the youngest little ones were interacting.

Good friends are priceless! SO thankful for the friends I have and for the opportunities for our children to have those wonderful moments together too.

Wave of Awareness

Our family is going to be WAlKing to support Hydrocephalus Awareness and Research. What exactly does that mean?? Well...
According to the Hydrocephalus Foundation:
"Hydrocephalus means there is an abnormal accumulation of cerebrospinal fluid (CSF) within the ventricles of the brain. This fluid builds up and causes the ventricals to enlarge and the pressure inside the head to increase. Hydrocephalus cannot be cured, but can be treated. The most common treatment is a surgical procedure to place a shunt inside the person's brain. The shunt channels the flow of fluid aways from the brain into another part of the body where it can be absorbed and transported ino the bloodstream. If left untreated it could result in permanent brain damage."

Hmmm, a lot to take in. Especially when I first heard the news that my son Luccio has Hydrocephalus. Luccio was born with a Neural Tube Defect (NTD) so essentially that meant that a part of his skull had a small opening causing fluid to build up into a small pocket that looked like a skin covered golf ball on the back of his head when he was born. We fondly called it his "Lumpy." Thankfully at 5 months old Lumpy was removed and his skull was repaired. But, closing up that area caused the fluid to build up and thus Luccio now has Hydrocephalus. So at 14 months old he was "shunted." His neurosurgeon had tried other less invasive pocedures first, but alas the shunt could not be avoided. So Lucci has a tube that is inserted in his ventricles around his brain and it drains fluid into his abdomen. Thus far, thank God its working very well!!

In the beginning it was very scary to me. Greg and I need to be able to be Luccio's advocates. But, it was so overwhelming. I felt like I am wasn't sure if I really knew enough about what i am doing. I think we have good plan in place for him, but is it aggressive enough? What does it mean for his future? For school? With friends? Sports? We are learning as we go. And we have met some wonderful people along they way.

We were going to a support group that helped a lot because we were able to talk with other parents in similar situations. But, in talking with them I realized more than ever that this is an ongoing process.

Hydrocephalus isn't going to go away. Luccio will have it and have to deal with it for the rest of his life. It makes me sad because I don't want him to think that there are limitations placed on him because of it or to struggle in anyway. I want to bubble wrap him and homeschool him so he won't have to deal with insensitive teachers or students! Not logical I know.

Right around Luccio's 3rd birthday, anxiety over him starting preschool was getting me down. I was worried about all that would be out of my control and all that could and would affect him during his school days. After a good cry and a long talk with my brother, I decided to take action! I become more educated about Luccio's rights and needs. We signed him up for school and give each year's teachers the benefit of the doubt. We prepared information for them so they became familiar with Hydrocephalus. And as a family we will educate our loved ones and those involved in Luccio's life as needed. We try to not only hope for the best, we expect it!! We will be his advocates, we will see to it that his needs are met and that he reaches his fullest potential. We will pray that God continues to bless him and our family! And we will pray for his teachers too because I pity the first one that isn't up to par.

And of course, homeschooling is always a great back-up plan, and maybe the bubble wrap too!!

And in the meantime, we have teamed up with the Hydrocephalus Association and we are going to WALK for awareness and pray to someday find a cure! We are so very blessed with generous family and friends that are helping us so much along the way!!!

Never Ebber

The new phrase around here is Never Ever!! And it is one of those cases of Monkey See, Monkey Do. Vincenzo asked for milk, I gave him a glass. He is drinking it and says to me, "You NEVER let us have milk." And Luccio says, "Yeah, you Never, EBBER let us." And so it began...

While riding bikes, Vincenzo says, "You NEVER let us ride bikes." Luccio agrees, "Yeah, you never EBBER let us."

While taking a bath, "You NEVER let us take a bath." "Yeah, you never EBBER let us!"

On the way home from visiting my parents for the third time this week, "You NEVER let us visit Stregga." "Yeah we never EBBER visit!"

While watching Dora the Explorer last night, "You NEVER let us watch Dora." "Yeah, you never EBBEr let us!"

The first round of never from Vincenzo is funny enough, but Luccio's emphasis on never,

EV-ER, just makes it that much funnier.

At first, I found it enormously frustrating! And I wanted to reply, "Hey guys, you are drinking milk, riding bikes, and bathing while you watch tv AT Streggas- OK!!!!!"

But, I took the high road and just laughed at the irony instead. And once in a while I chime in and agree, "Yeah, I NEVER, EVER let you do ANYTHING!" That catches them by surprise and they crack up!

Kate Gosselin, Poor "Filthy" Mansion

I guess it wouldn't be a mother of multiples blog if I didn't have at least one post (rant) about the now infamous Gosselin family from Jon and Kate Plus 8.

I have been watching the show since the very first documentary. Actually its one of the few shows Hubby and I watch together. For those of you who may not have seen or heard of it, the Gosselins are a family of ten. Jon and Kate are the parents and they have 7 year old twin girls and 4 year old sextuplets (3 boys and 3 girls)

For the first 2 seasons I loved it! I was so motivated by Kate to get organized and feed the kids organic food and take the kids on outings and make memories, etc. etc. I thought well if Kate can do all this with 8 kids, I can certainly handle it with 2!

But, somewhere around season 3 we went from being inspired to dissecting every tantrum and fit thrown by Kate (the mother!!) She is a self-proclaimed neurotic, germaphobe. She has control issues to put it mildly. My friend Tammy has compared me to Kate on more than one occasion, I try not to take offence because I am hoping she is just comparing the fact that we both have multiples, hmmm....

Anyway, last night's episode was just too much for me to take! The Gosselins moved into their new house, mansion really!! And good for them. With 8 kids they need the space. But, Kate was so annoying. She kept saying how "filthy" the house was. How it was left in poor condition. And supposedly she spent 4 HOURS, cleaning the fridge. The entire episode centered around the "filthy" fridge. We got to see a couple glimpses of the kids, but about 25 of the 30 minute episode was Kate bitchin' about the "mildew" and "mold" in the fridge. The camera zoomed in at one point and I swear I couldn't see a trace of what she complained of. It looked like a regular fridge. This is a 1.5 million dollar home she is talking about. I have a hard time feeling sorry for her that the fridge needed a good cleaning! !

And does she realize she is on NATIONAL TELEVISION??? The people who owned that home before her are very likely to catch the episode where Kate trashed them for being disgusting homeowners!!

Now, you might wonder what the 8 kids are doing while their mother scrubs a fridge for 4 HOURS!! Well, they were off running loose in the new mansion. At one point, one of the kids was calling Kate because he was in one of the bathrooms pooping and needed to be wiped. Well Kate, try as she might, couldn't find the child because the house was "so big!" Oh, boo hoo!! So, what did Kate do? She went back to cleaning the fridge while two of the boys sat in different bathrooms waiting on the toilets for the father to finally come inside the house to find them and wipe them!! These poor little ones are being exploited on national television to put a roof over their family's head and they can't even get their butts wiped!!

She is too much! Over the years she has gone from a stay at home mom with 8 kids on a budget to a mom who claims to stay home while writing her books, doing book tours, photo shoots, television promotions etc. It is rumored that she has a chef and personal assistant. I point this out not because I think its wrong (I would totally sign up for that!!!) But, because she denies it being true and claims to her audience that she hand prepares all organic meals and has no help caring for the kids. Whatever.

I think I am over my Kate phase. She went from inspiring to annoying to downright ridiculous.

I miss the days when it was about the kids and hearing her tips on childcare and grocery shopping on a budget and seeing the logistics of getting out with that many little ones. Now I feel like I watch a 30 minute commercial for Juicy Juice, Disney, Hawaiian Resorts, Lego Land, Fischer Price toys, basically any child related product. And the Gosselin kids pop in every know and then.

Ahhhh... now that I have said my piece about that. I can move on and clean my own filthy house!

Dinner Drama

So tonight we had Sunday Dinner at my parents like we do most weeks. Stregga and Papa decided to cook out on the grill. So there was steak and burgers and veggie patties and mashed potatoes and corn on the cob! Yummy!!!

We got all settled at the table and then...The Bear lost it. Luccio has earned his nickname the The Bear for many reasons, he is snuggly, he is strong, and if you anger him he growls-LOUD!!

So The Bear went into meltdown mode and was crying and screaming and holding his head.
This is not a first. In fact, whenever The Bear is presented with food choices he dislikes similar drama ensues. Usually at home when we are alone we have very few of these episode. Mainly because I serve the kind of foods I know he likes. I always offer new choices as an "on the side" or even on a different plate. We have a pretty strict routine for our day so he knows what to expect.

It is worse when we are out or when we have company. I don't know if it is because he gets overwhelmed, or he senses my stress because I don't know what to expect, or if its too many people harping on what he will or will not eat. In any case its an ugly scene when it starts.

Tonight was no exception. It is always hard to tell, does he not like the food? Is he not hungry?
Those are possibilities today, the burgers were burnt and he had a late lunch.

Is it a behavior thing? Perhaps. He wanted to get down from his chair and watch TV, which I wouldn't have minded except that he wanted me to sit with him and when I refused he went nuts.

Or is it something more? Does he have a headache? Maybe. I have been reading more and more about Hydrocephalus and in many of the stories about people with shunts they talk about the headaches. One woman said it can be brought on from barometric changes and become so severe that its difficult to concentrate until the weather front passes. Interesting. And scary.

Since bringing Luccio home from the hospital I have felt an enormous responsibility. I know all new parents feel that way. When you become a parent you are essentially the world to your helpless little baby. You are its food, its comfort, its life! And when your child has medical needs that go beyond typical you are also the person making decisions that give life or death a new meaning.

Hubby and I share parenting responsibilities in every aspect. Although I am home with the kids during the day, when Hubby is home at night or on the weekends its a fairly seamless transition when he takes over. However, I feel the responsibility of medical care is solely mine. I know the boys in a way that is unique. I notice every spot of a rash, every crossing of an eye, every scrape, every detail. During the first year it was so much worse, I became almost obsessive in my vigilance. Just ask Luccio's Nurse Kellie!! Another Saint we have been blessed to have in our lives.

For 2 years Kellie came to our house every week. At first she helped us take care of the immediate needs the boys had as preemies. Then she helped us monitor Luccio's head circumference changes and medical needs as we went along. After surgeries Kellie was there to help him recuperate. And selfish as I know it is, Kellie was there for me too. On more than one occasion she arrived in the morning to find me completely disheveled and exhausted from being up all night with screaming babies and in the middle of a neurotic fit because something might be wrong with one of them!

She would calm me down with medical assessments and guide me through the next step when one was needed. And she talked me down from the edge of insanity on occasion, like when Luccio had ringworm. He has just gotten home from the hospital from having brain surgery, but somehow the small ring of fungus on his belly was more than I could handle. I was crazed!! I didn't know if I should sit and cry or bleach my entire house. Kellie calmly suggested putting an anti-fungal creme on it and covering it with a onesie. Oh, that makes sense. Crisis averted!!

So, now that Kellie isn't on duty anymore, I am more responsible than ever to not miss any signs that there may something wrong. I'm asking myself, is Luccio having a behavior related moment or a headache related to hydrocephalus?? How do I know? Where do I draw the line? I try to be consistent and discipline both boys in similar ways, but I always worry with Lucc that maybe I am disciplining a behavior that can't be helped.

I have felt so much better since September when Luccio went for a follow up appointment with his neurosurgeon. We received great news- there was less fluid around his brain and the ventricles had shrunk!! So the shunt was working. Relief washed over me! And I felt like I relaxed and spent the last few months enjoying parenthood and having fun with the boys as they develop. But, sometimes, like tonight I fall back into my neurotic ways I can't help feeling like what if I am missing something that I should be noticing??

Super Nanny this week had a family with 2 sets of twins and dealt with food issues. We are going to try her techniques-not offering more than one choice and not letting the children eat off my plate, etc. We will see if that helps with dinner dramas. In the meantime, I am trying my best to remain calm, cool and collected so I can make accurate assessments.

Special Day

My mom, aka Stregga, has started taking the boys individually for "Special Day" once a week. It's wonderful! They love the one one attention they get at Stregga's and I get to spend some alone time with the one who stays home.

Stregga and Cenzo began special days sometime last year while Luccio was taking a gym class with Mama as part of his physical therapy sessions. We took a break when schedules changed in the summer and fall however. And the change in routine was obvious. Vincenzo was getting very clingy and crying a lot when I left him. And Luccio had less and less opportunities to talk and play without being overshadowed by his brother who is clearly "the Alpha."

So, recently Stregga reinstated Special Day! She took Cenzo to her house one Tuesday and he spent the day playing, eating and even napping for 3 hours!! He loves it because he gets to sleep in Stregga's big bed! He didn't want to leave! Finally at bedtime Hubby went to get him.
He talked on and on about his special day! Just repeating the same phrases over and over! When I asked him what his favorite part was, he said "Night-night Stregga house."

It's amazing how much they love the little things in life!

The first time, Luccio was crying when Cenzo got to go for Special Day and he had to stay behind with Mama. It nearly broke Stregga's heart, but I convinced her he would be ok and we drove off with him howling a sad, sad song! He quickly cheered up when I took him to Barnes and Noble to play with the train set. Then we shared a snack in the cafe. He took a long nap and when he woke up he sat for on my lap for 2 hours under a blanket watching TV and reading our books! It was glorious snuggle time!

The day went so well that Stregga (and Cenzo!) decided it needed to be a regular thing. I loved the idea and so began the weekly Special Days. Luccio had his turn one week and Stregga said he was just content quietly playing with the train set and walking around checking everything out. He also loved that Papa was home to wrestle with him! He was so tired out that he went straight to bed when he got home at 7 pm and slept until almost 9 the next morning, a record for The Bear!!!

Cenzo likes Special Days and often wants to go more than once a week. But, he knows Tuesday is usually his day. Yesterday he didn't have his day because of the Inauguration and he certainly let us know that he was not pleased! So as soon as woke up today he wanted to get dressed and call Stregga for a special day. I convinced him to wait until after 8 am!

As we were getting ready to drive him to Stregga's he told me to "leave Lucci home." I explained that we needed to take Luccio with us because he was too little to stay home alone, but he was adamant that "I stay Stregga house." His point was clear, it was his day. Even if he was confused and saying its Tuesday, he knew he wanted his time away! He really gets it. He backs up his back pack with his blanket "Fluffy" and Baby Mickey and off he goes.

The boys spend pretty much every waking moment of their twin existence together, sharing time, attention, toys and clothes. So it's wonderful for them and for me to have this opportunity to get time with them alone. It's always great to see who they are and what they will do on their own. Cenzo narrates the day as we go and loves to read his books and do arts and crafts. Luccio "talks" a bit more when he gets that time to show me all his toys and is very content snuggling.

They always miss each other by the end of the day. Last week, Cenzo told me he wanted to "go get Lucci Bear" from Stregga's and they held hands across the back seat of the car on the ride home! Absence does make the heart grow fonder! It also helps the boys develop confidence, that they are ok away from Mama and away from one another. And it's always great to be back home together again!

Pee break, who's gotta go??

So today we ventured out in the snow to go to Toddler Gym Class. Not smart, but a better alternative to staying home all day with two busy boys who needed to burn off energy!
It was an interesting day...

It started with trying to get out the front door, literally. The walkway wasn't shoveled and Cenzo was worried that it was "too slippy" to walk on. So he refused! And Luccio followed suit. We were in the middle of a stand off with me at the bottom of the stairs trying to coax them down and the boys at the top of the stairs shouting "NO, too slippy!" Luckily, our neighbor Liz took pity on us. She came running over with her shovel and cleared the walkway and then carried Cenzo to the car for me. What a Saint that woman is!! She always shows up at just the right moment.

So we made it to the car and off our street and the roads were fine. Apparently the plow trucks only skip our road. We arrived safely to Gym Class. It was my first time in weeks taking the boys there alone. Usually I beg my mom to come or the boys Physical Therapist comes with us (basically because she gets paid too.)

I was just a smidge smug about the fact that we made it from the car into the building and up the stairs without incident. I was ALMOST feeling relaxed and in control. And then I walked into the gym and found Cenzo at the top of the climbing station peeing a stream down onto the floor. It was spraying like a fountain!!

I didn't know what to do first. There was a crowd of moms and kids standing around, great! I didn't want to scare Cenzo by screaming "STOP!!!!." So instead I picked him up, soaking wet pants and all and moved him to a safer spot. Then I attempted to soak up the puddle with tissues, which obviously wasn't effective. Thankfully, the teacher came over and assisted me. She said to get Cenz into the bathroom and change him and she would clean the mess. She even had spare pants. She is such a professional!!

So within minutes a Pull-Up and clean pants were on Cenzo and he was back to playing and Ms Colleen had cleaned and sanitized the play area and life was good again! I was mortified and apologizing profusely to Cenzo and Ms. Colleen, but neither was fazed my the incident. Wisely, Ms. Colleen informed me this isn't the first accident of its kind and surely won't be the last.

So, lessons learned:
1.) Do NOT put a newly training 2 year old in underwear for gym class- use a Pull-Up
2.) ALWAYS carry spare pants!!!
3.) Do not overreact, it's only pee!
4.) The other moms do not care if pee has gotten onto the toys and mats, they just want to know how to get their kids interested in potty training and wearing underwear too!

Gym Class has been such a learning experience for the boys and I. It is a wonderful group of moms and kids. The boys are able to safely explore. And I am able to be comfortable enough to learn life lessons without feeling like the World's Dumbest Mama.

Prospective PreSchools...

Somehow my babies have turned two! I can't explain how fast the time went by. But, its gone! And believe it or not once babies turn 2 they become toddlers. They start talking back to their Mama and wanting to do everything "self" as I have been told countless times! Some of them even potting train without permission! Its enough to make a mother crazy. I want to freeze them in a time capsule and protect them from the world. But, instead I have now been informed that I need to register them for preschool!! OMG!! School!!! Already!

Apparently it's time. They will be 3 in September, so it's time. And registration has already begun. Some schools are booked already for the fall session. Its a whole new world, LOL!

So... we are visiting preschools and interviewing teachers. For toddlers! Its crazy how many things there are to think of. Luckily I have help. The boys are in Birth to Three so their Service Coordinator accompanied me to one of the schools yesterday. She knew all the questions to ask-how many students in the class, how many teacher/adults in each room, what services are provided, etc, etc.

Today we went to a little nursery school in town. My mom came along to help wrangle the boys. It is the nursery school that I went to as a child. I must say I hated preschool as a child. I screamed EVERY day of it for 2 years. But, being back there today I can't imagine why I didn't like it. The room was big, bright, comfortable and loaded with toys!! I don't remember it looking like that at all. I guess its been renovated in the past 30 years, LOL!

I was expecting my boys to act shy and cling to me-perhaps scream and cry if I put them down (as I did to my poor mom so long ago!) But, no my little guys walked in like they owned the place. They said hello to the teacher and started immediately playing with toys. They went up to the kids and said hello and played and basically had a ball! I was so relieved and happy!!

I feel like the school was a good fit. The staff was amazing! It was Pajama Day so everyone including the teachers were wearing PJs! It so was cute! The boys enjoyed free play, but were less excited about Circle Time. Cenzo participated for a while, but Lucc flat out refused to stop playing with the toys. The teacher said it was fine-he was a visitor after all. I can only imagine her trying to wrangle him in Sept. He is little, but tough!

Which brings me to my biggest worry-how will my babies adjust to school?? Or maybe the question is - How will I adjust to my babies going to school?? We will see! For now I will be satisfied to have at least found the school to send them too, LOL!!