Dress Code

It's always fun trying to explain appropriate clothing choices to unreasonable toddlers. I have 3 little ones with very differing opinions on EVERYTHING! Luccio, 4 yrs old, could not understand why he couldn't wear mittens to school today. I tried rational explanations like: because its spring, because its going to be warm. But, bottom line is ~ they are your sisters mittens AND they looks ridiculous with your gym uniform! So in the end "because I said so" seemed like the best answer. Isabella, 18 months old, is The Most Unreasonable of our Unreasonables in the house. She has an endless supply of lovely, coordinated, beautiful dresses, skirts, pants, tutus, etc. But, lately she wants to wear~ hoodies. Not the clean, cute pink ones in her closet. No. The dirty, smelly, well worn ones that belong to her brothers. When I tell her no, she puts them on herself and shrieks and kicks and refuses to take them off. So I have decided to pick my battles and save fashion fights for high school years. In the meantime, my Darling Princess wants to pair all of her beautiful clothes with a hoodie. The other day she had on a onesie (which I usually only allow to be worn at bedtime), her pink sandals and her brother's hoodie. She honestly thought I would permit her out of the house like that. She stood at the front door demanding "OUTSIDE!" Since it was cold and rainy, I insisted on her wearing pants. We have to have some standards.

Vincnzo pretty much wears what I put out for him, his only hang up is whether its long sleeves or short sleeves. And he changes his mind so often on which is better that I have been just telling him to pick his own shirt if he doesn't approve of my choice for the day. Other than that he is fairly easy about clothing. I guess I expected him to be the fashionista, since he always notices everyone's clothes and comments on how beautiful he thinks something is and is outspoken when he disapproves of my wardrobe choice for myself.

But, it's The Bear, Luccio, that has turned into the Diva. Thankfully he wears a uniform to school so it limits his choices. But, goodness he finds things to worry about. The shirts can't be too long, he doesn't like pants that button, he wants to wear a sweatshirt, but not put the hood up because it will mess his hair. And his HAIR! Now that is a project. Every morning he wants me to give him "Rock Star Hair." This entails lots of hair gel and plenty of time for him to check in the mirror to see if I have styled him just right. And he is so picky with how much hair needs to be sticking up, etc. Today he told me he wants Sponge Bob Hair. Does Sponge Bob even have hair??

I have heard the worst years are yet to come. So I will enjoy the crazy styles my kids come up with while it's still cute. I have a feeling it won't be long before those high school days arrive and I will have to be on the lookout for clothes that are far more inappropriate than mittens in the spring and sandals in the winter.

Rhyming Words

Luccio came home from school very eager to share the nursery rhyme he learned. His mispronunciation of the classic words made for an interesting spin. "Baa, Baa, black sheep, have you any wool? Yes sir, yes sir 3 bags full. One for my bastard, one for the lame and one for the little boy who lives down the lane." I tried explain that one bag is for the Dame and it means a woman and one is for The Master which means Boss. But, he LOUDLY corrected me with the "right words." So that was that.

Happy Easter

I think it speaks volumes about our culture that many people find it easier to believe that a giant, magical bunny arrives in the night with baskets full of candy for us rather than consider the possibility that a man died trying to save the world. But, to each his own. We have tried to strike a balance with our kids. We are teaching them about the life and death of Jesus in terms toddlers can understand and also embracing the spirit of Springtime traditions like egg coloring and wearing bunny ears.

Our boys are 4, they understand that in our Faith tradition Jesus came to teach people about God's love, that some people didn't like him and that he died on a cross. There are parts of the story that get sketchy and raise LOTS of questions. Lots and lots of questions, some I have never considered before. I have tried my best to answer them and just when I think I have done my best there comes a zinger to trip me up. It always comes back to how did Jesus get to Heaven? Cenzo wants to know "did he fly or was he just zoomed up?" Luccio is happy that "now our cat Spooky will have company in Heaven."

The other night we got together a few friends and their families and celebrated a Holy Thursday prayer service for the children. I met most of the group during my college years. We met in the dorms and then became close friends through the Campus Ministry.

We have kept in touch over the years and now that we are married our spouses and children have become good friends too.

Five families gathered Thursday and we have 14 children among us!! It was a bit of organized chaos. The kids took turns washing each others feet and then shared bread and juice to remember the Last Supper.

At the end of the celebration we passed a cross around and each person said what they are thankful for. Luccio was very excited when it was his turn. He picked up the cross and said, "Look Ma, it's that guy! It's Jesus like on our cross." When it was his turn he was thankful for "rockets." Vincenzo was thankful for James (our friend's son that was part of the group.) And when it was James's turn he said he was thankful for his "brother Vincenzo." That is the way our kids think of each other, as family.When it comes down to it, at the end of the day that is the best part of it all. Good friends sharing Faith. To see the next generation of our group growing up together has been such fun!

Whether you believe in Jesus, Abba, Allah, Buddha, The Easter Bunny, someone else or nothing at all, I wish you a happy, healthy Spring!! Celebrate the new life of the season and enjoy your family and friends!!

And if the magical bunny does arrive with candy for you, Enjoy!!! I plan to eat as many chocolate bunny ears and Cadbury mini eggs as possible, especially since I have heard they are calorie free on Easter.

Believe in Miracles!!!

Mama Time With Ms. Meeghan

My friend, Ms. Meeghan came for a visit recently. It was so much fun!!! I met Meeghan the year we graduated from college and joined a volunteer corp (Chi Rho) where we were roomies. We lived in a community and worked together in an elementary school. The students called us Ms. Carrie and Ms. Meeghan and it stuck. So 13 years later we still call each other by our "teacher names." There are endless funny stories from the Chi Rho days including themes like: Stolen Devil Dogs, The Blue Booty Wagon, The Mysterious Toilet Clogger, kitchens with shag carpeting that smelled like mildew, students knocking things off my desk in a violent rage, the same student later referring to me EVILLLLLL!!!!, an incident that included certain volunteer teachers being cut off by a rude driver and then certain volunteers blowing the horn and yelling out the window at the driver without realizing it was the school secretary. Yeah, stories like that. Also stories of what it's like to live with 7 strangers in a run down apartment building that looked like a haunted hotel. Our community formed with very little direction from the "director" and we made due with a grocery budget of $100 for 7 people. That always made for fun times! And somewhere in the middle of it all we foster parented a newborn that weighed 4 pounds. But, that's another story. In the end when it was all said and done we did figure out how to be a community and how to live together and put our Faith into Action. We each were baptized Roman Catholic but we had 7 different interpretations of how to live that Faith. It was interesting, at times frustrating and in the end profoundly life changing. I am grateful for my time at Chi Rho and very thankful for the gift of Ms. Meeghan's friendship.

Ms. Meeghan is unique. She is one of the most vibrant, live out loud people I know. Her favorite color is Orange and that sums her up in so many ways. Her soul is the warmest, brightest and most alive of just about anyone I have met. She has endless creative ideas and inspirations and love for God, her family and life.

Over the years as we have moved on from Chi Rho, pursued careers, found our wonderful husbands and have been blessed with our growing families, we have managed to stay in touch as often as possible despite living in different states. Phone calls, letters, emails, and now even facebook have helped us stay connected and current with the ongoings of each others lives. We also try to get together once or twice a year on our own or with our families. And thankfully we have both been blessed with husbands who not only understand how much our friendship means to us, but have also become friends over the years. They have been so supportive in helping us stay in touch and get together when possible. Even though it means a lot of coordinating with all the kids. It is always so much fun to spend time with a Kindred Spirit!

So a few weeks ago when Ms Meeghan traveled to visit us with her son I was overjoyed. Especially since her baby boy is my Godson!! He is a beautiful little guy and I loved being able to spend time with him. He is just a few weeks younger than my Princess and they are definitely Soul Mates! They were so cute together!

Hubby and my parents took turns entertaining my boys so I could have Mama Time with Ms. Meeghan. We took the Princess and my Godson with us shopping and out to lunch. And for 3 days we talked and talked and talked. In fact, we talked so much that Ms. Meeghan left with a hoarse voice. And I needed a 3 hour nap to recover from the visit!

It felt great to have time to talk about life from a faith perspective. From a Soul Perspective.

And we laughed and laughed and laughed!! And we ate. We ate so much comfort food we were sick. We blame it on the Doritos, but it may have been the Doritos combined with the Pizza, Belgium Waffles, Olive Garden bread sticks and salad, mousse cake, chicken parm, pasta, etc. And a GIANT raspberry chocolate heart that Ms. Meeghan brought as a gift and someone may have eaten without sharing with Hubby (just sayin'...)

We nourished our Souls with friendship, food and fun. It doesn't get better than that!!!

Papa's Pirate Party

We celebrated Papa's Birthday with Pirate cupcakes and paint your own Pirate Ship! The boys were so excited and had been planning for weeks. They love a reason to party and they always enjoy their time with Papa! He is great about teaching them things like gardening and building and letting them use power tools. He takes them out for breakfast and lets them order chocolate chip pancakes and watch Sponge Bob. He lets them pretend to drive his car and run inside the house. He carries them both at the same time even though they weigh a ton!! He taught them how to race remote control cars and he always buys extra batteries for every loud toy they can find. Papa makes time together special and fun and they love that he is their "Buddy." So it was great to spend time celebrating together!

Papa & Princess

Stregga helping Papa party in style!
Bear & Papa
Papa wearing Prayer Shawl I made for him.

Googali aka Gentle Wolf

Isabella is very fortunate to have not one, but two older brothers! They love her, play with her, watch out for her, teach her, and nickname her. Luccio likes to call her Googali and in this photo I tend to agree she looks like a Googali.

The boys are into imagination and creating new worlds lately. One of their favorite games is pretending to be different magical animals. Luccio is usually Big Bear and Vincenzo is either Daddy Dog or Little Horse depending on his mood and whim. Vincenzo is usually in charge of all things imagination related and thinks of endless scenarios. Sometimes they will let Isabella play with them, but she is almost always "Baby" of whatever species they are playing.

So I was surprised this week when Vincenzo bestowed her the Honor of her very own animal name, Gentle Wolf. I think it fits her beautifully! She is a gentle, loving soul and once a friend told us he thought her eyes reminded him of a Wolf. Since wolves have those gorgeous blue eyes like Isabella, I have to agree.

The Mommy Realm

Since entering the Mommy Realm, I have learned there are many different labels and divisions set up. I didn't realize how complicated it would be. I thought you have a child, you are a mother, therefore you have that in common with all mothers. Period. But, it's not that simple. The divisions begin the moment you announce your pregnancy to the world. The questions start and categories are assigned. First, is it a boy or a girl? And are you happy about which ever gender it is? If you are not happy would you admit it? Is it a singleton, twins or more?

Will you deliver "naturally?" This in itself is a whole other realm of categories. Natural can mean a baby will make its way into the world through a vagina. But, it also means with or without pain medications, forceps, episiotomies, other interventions, etc. Will you use a midwife, OB or Maternal Fetal Specialist, or Guru? Will your baby be born in a birthing center, hospital or at home? Degrees of motherhood are assigned depending on your answers, your pain tolerance, your pelvic size. And forget the C-Sectioners (like me) we are in a category all by ourselves. Apparently "unnatural" and surgical means direct separation from the women who "birthed" their babies.

Once the baby is out into the world and takes its first breath a new set of standards begin. Is your child a preemie? Does it need breathing help? NICU stay? Or do you have a "healthy, full termer" that goes home in 24 - 48 hours?

Will you bottle feed? If so, will you use expressed breast milk or formula? If you are nursing, do you nurse exclusively? Use bottle sometimes? Use formula to supplement?

Do you use cloth diapers? Disposable diapers? Hybrid diapers? Or a combo of all of the above?

Even sleep separates mothers. As if sleep deprivation is not hard enough. When you actually do get 5 minutes to close your eyes, it REALLY matters to the world HOW you sleep. Do you sleep in your own bed and your baby is in it's own bassinet or crib? Do you share a bed with your baby and/or other family members?

Do you hold baby for all 24 hours of the day? In a sling? In your arms? If you are not holding the baby, who or what is? Different categories are assigned based on your answers and which crowd you are with at the moment you answer. If you are with the Co-Sleepers, you are placed VERY low down on the Mommy Value List if you say your child sleeps in its own bed at an assigned time and sleeps soundly without interference from you. If you have given said child a pacifier to help them do so, your position is lowered even more. If your child sleeps through the night soon after being born, Lord help you around the other Moms, it could get nasty! If you put your child on its belly to sleep, expect gasps and watch yourself because you may be targeted by all kinds of Mommy Groups.

Once you have figured out how baby will eat and sleep and into what they will poop, next is what will you do with that baby? Will you be a stay at home mom? (Otherwise known as a SAHM.) Or will you work? If you are a SAHM, will your child be in playgroups, activities, and learning to read before age 1 or will you hang out all day while your child eats and watches TV? Can there be a combo of both? Probably, but you may not admit it in mixed company depending on which group you are with. Public Enemy Number One is the mother who lets her baby watch TV. So beware!

If you will work outside of your home, will your child be in daycare? Full time? A center?

In-home, etc? This realm is vast and the questions I can imagine are endless. Since I am a SAHM, it is not my territory and therefore I will not venture into categorizing further. But, you get the idea.

Once baby is fed, changed, and signed up for activities or daycare, the next category is: are you a young mom or old mom? The age range changes as your group does. Are you single or married? What is your socioeconomic background? How much education have you received? How about your partner? Is he educated? Does he work? What does he think about all matters? And do you care? Your placement in Mommy Categories changes based on these answers, so think it through before you speak.

Public activities call into question the achievements Baby has made for his or her age. Do they crawl? Walk? Talk? Read? Count? Feed themselves? Where do they poop?? How often?

Your mothering abilities will be judged according to your answers, again think carefully. Do you potty train or toilet teach? Seriously some people care about this in a MAJOR way!

For the first 3-4 years of Baby's life, language distinctions like this will be a big deal!!

If you have made it through all the levels of infanthood with your self-esteem still in tact-good for you!! Yeah!! But, be prepared. Toddler years will be more challenging to you and your mothering position in society. How will you discipline your Darling? Will you use time out or set up a nest for breaks? Will you use the word No or will that be too traumatic? Again be careful how you answer. This will dredge up every emotional issue from everyone's childhood that you can imagine. You will be judged and critiqued and corrected by people you know and people you don't and given silent stares by other Mommies. These stares will NOT be subtle and will convey messages that you will not miss. Its doesn't matter which answers you give, someone will always oppose them and will let you know.

What will your toddler eat? How much pesticide will be in the food and bath products you choose? Will you allow them to eat fast food (most moms will not admit to this, but check their garbages or cars and you will find evidence to the contrary) When will they be done with that bottle?? Do they know how to drink from a cup? Are you STILL Nursing? Can you nurse a toddler that has teeth? Just know that if your child is over 12 months of age, your answers to these questions can and will be held against you. Your mothering abilities will be discussed and judged accordingly. By everyone.

With that said, I wish you the best. I hope as you navigate your way through the Mommy Realm you be fortunate enough to meet Kindred Spirits as I have. I have been so very blessed by good friends and family members that I can count on for support as I figure out which categories I fit in and which values are most important to me and my growing family. I feel like I have been given a protective cocoon to grow in with a wonderful social circle. And it seems like just when I need it most a new Soul will come into my life or an old Friend will reappear and we will discover how much we have in common. I always gain so much insight from these Kindred Spirits and find so much inspiration to be the best Mama I can be no matter what categories I have chosen to fit into (or not). I always try to keep an open mind because you never know what you can learn from other Mommies. When we can look past the labels and relax enough to be ourselves and not judge what the other Mommies are doing, we can truly see that at the core kids are kids and Mommies are Mommies and all the rest just doesn't matter.

Sink Altar

I have created an Altar of Inspiration in my kitchen. It includes some of my favorite mementos like a card with the image of Our Lady of Lavender and a prayer card with a photo of Mother Teresa, an orange slice with a heart shape in it, a little pitcher from my trip to Assisi, Italy, a rock from Luccio, orchids from my Dad, a Bamboo shoot for good luck, and a wind chime made by Vincenzo. I have also made it my personal mission for the last week to keep the sink clean so that when I wake up in the morning and see my little altar I can start my day off right.

I first got the idea for my altar when I read the book, "Soul to Soul Parenting" by Annie Burnside. The author talks about ways to inspire spirituality in your family. She explores different ways to bring faith into daily life. One of her suggestions is to get kids involved in collecting special mementos on their travels like rocks from outdoors, receipts from trips, etc. Small tokens of things you love. I liked that idea a lot and I thought I needed something inspiring especially since the winter blahs have really gotten to me. I find it difficult to spend much time cultivating my own spirituality lately. And I feel like I have been craving inspiration to get back to that place of peacefulness. So I started with the card I found at a local gift shop. I was immedialtey drawn to the image of Our Lady of Lavender. It is unique and beautiful and I love the depiction of Mary. When I turned it over to find the artists name I found a website: kenosiskards.com. I checked it out and the artist happens to be a woman who was my co-worker and Spiritual Director for many years!! Such a "God-incidence."

That inspired me to be on the lookout for more inspirational nuggets. The other day when I cut open an orange for snack and I look down, the first slice had some orange flesh still inside and it was in the shapeof a heart! God-incidence for sure!

So my Little Altar was really coming together and looking beautiful. The only problem was I had built it above my kitchen sink. A sink that is perpetually full of dirty dishes. I feel like it is always time for a meal, I barely clean up breakfast dishes and the kids are looking for snacks and then it's lunch time. So the dishes build up fast and furious and if I don't keep up with it after every meal I have a mess to deal with after the kids go to bed. If I don't get to them after bedtime, the morning is awful because waking up to dirty dishes puts me in a grumpy mood and makes everything seem like it takes longer to accomplish.

A good friend of mine understands my clutter and need to organize the chaos. She recommended a website that she found helpful so I checked it out. www.flylady.net is a wonderful resource for people like me who have many gifts and talents but find that housework is not one of them. FlyLady suggests starting with baby steps like cleaning your kitchen sink out. She said before you go to bed at night get that sink cleaned! I took her advice and cannot even believe how wonderful it felt. I cleaned out every last dish, cup, sippy cup stopper and piece of silverware and even stored away the dish drainer. That sink sparkled! I felt great! I went to sleep feeling calm and productive. I woke up feeling even better.

When I walked into my kitchen I was shocked by what a difference the empty sink made! The beautiful Altar above it was able to be seen. I was was amazed when I finished the breakfast mess and found myself immediately putting the dishes into the dishwasher. It took me just a few minutes. This may seem like a little thing to someone who is organized and loves cleaning. But, to me it seemed so profound. I had an extra 20 minutes that morning to sit and have coffee. I saved time by having a clean sink. How is this possible?? I wanted to have that feeling every morning. So each night I have been making the effort to clean out the sink. I am finding each day its easier and easier because I have been keeping up with the dishes during the day. So at night I usually just have to wipe things down. Love it!!

Now I admit it has only been 1 week AND the sink is often the only clean and sparkly thing in the house at the end of the day. But, it's a start. And it gives me more time to clean up the table and counters. Which then gives me more time to throw a load of laundry in the washer. Simple steps.

As I plug away at taming the clutter and keeping up after 3 active toddlers, I like the fact that I can glance at my kitchen sink and find inspiration. My Little Altar holds such great reminders of how much love I have in my life. When the kids are unruly I see Mother Teresa holding a little child or Mary holding Jesus and I am reminded of what a Grace motherhood is. I see the flowers from my Dad or gifts from my boys and I am reminded of Love.

"After all what was more important in the end than Love."

Stephanie Meyer

(from lovequotes.com)

Out of the mouths of 4 years olds...

I went to The Bear's class to volunteer yesterday during their Library time. And a few moments were quite funny, so I have to share. When I arrived, I realized there was an extra adult in the room and it quickly became apparent that she was there to observe Bear's teachers. It was a surprise observation visit - fun times!! Luckily his teacher is awesome and did a fantastic job with the lessons as usual. The kids were singing and dancing to a funny song. Then they read rhyming books related to the letter of the week. But, it's 4 year olds and anything goes.

So during the rhyming story one little boy heard the word "door" and commented that it rhymed with "floor." The teacher said, "That's right, door and floor rhyme." And a little girl raised her hand and said, "And door rhymes with WHORE!" She was very proud of her rhyming skills and beamed a smile. The teacher acknowledge her and kept right on rhyming.

The next lesson was flashcards related to the Letter M. The first card was a picture of a glass of milk. The teacher said, "Milk comes from a cow that says Moo." My sweet son who was sitting next to me looks over and says very loudly, "Ma, that's like the milk from your boobies" And he points to my chest. OMG! I don't know that every single person in the room heard him, but it felt like it. I had to acknowledge him because he was gearing up to repeat himself. So, I quietly looked over and said "you're right." Then I gave him the signal to "zip it" and pay attention.

He is learning important lessons this year like the letter M and that there is some connection between a Cow and his Mama nursing his baby sister. Maybe he is destined for a career in Agriculture or possibly Lactation Consulting?