Saturday, April 20, 2013

The End. The Beginning...

When we announced our divorce, family and friends were surprised.  Shocked even. One friend said, "But, you two have fucking endless love!" Ummm, apparently not.  On Independence Day 2012, when the realization hit that forever was never, the Earth shook a bit and threw me off balance. But, it quickly realigned and I landed on my feet and found myself in a whole new life.  Thanks to Divine intervention that new life included a job! So I traded in my mishmash of Stay-At-Home Mom clothes that were stained, baggy and had at some point over the years been used by various children as something to wipe their noses on.  I invested in a wardrobe that was appropriate to wear in public and I headed off to my new career as a First Grade Teacher.

Thankfully, I was embraced by my new community and able to take all of my kids with me to the daycare at work for the remainder of the summer.  Once school officially started and the boys went to kindergarten, my Princess was able to remain at school with me in the Pre-K class.   Of all the adjustments that came with the divorce, dropping my baby off at Pre-K for the first time was the most jarring. She was 3 months away from her 3rd birthday and I had yet to leave her for more than a few hours with anyone. The boys stayed overnight at my parents' house or with a sitter when needed. But, my baby girl was the third child and no one takes 3.   I felt physically ill the first time I dropped her off, but her teachers are fantastic and reassured me that she was ok.  And I was only going to be upstairs if she needed me.  I looked out of my classroom window and saw her on the playground with her classmates.  I instantly burst into tears when I saw her just standing there watching the other kids play. She looked so tiny, so fragile and so alone.

But, she wasn't as fragile as I thought. And neither was I.

For the past year I had been watching my Dad battle brain cancer. And he won.  I knew with that kind of strength in my DNA, divorce was not going to break me.

So I embraced my new life.  I started to figure out how to be on my own with a TON of support from my friends and family (and Ex-Hubby who still helps me take out the trash and brings me coffee from D&D.)

 I am so grateful for Bethel and Ms. Meeghan, if they were charging by the hour for therapy I would be broke!  I also have a faithful crew of LOSERS that take me out for wings at the nearest dive bar to get through the rough days! And thanks to my Gurus Tammy and Brian, I am learning how to be a DivorcĂ©e.

With the guidance of an amazing mentor at work and the help of a creative assistant teacher, I am turning out to be a pretty good teacher.  Luckily, I have a classroom full of the world's best students.

It has taken me almost 10 months to stop and breathe long enough to process it all. In that time I have realized that maybe forever IS never; the only endless loves are the Divine love of God and the love that a parent has for their child. Everything else is conditional.

But, in the end Ex-Hubby and I  have some great memories, 3 beautiful babies and a friendship that outlasted our marriage. We are freaking awesome co-parents. So Life is Good!

And as the saying goes, as that chapter of my life closed, another will be interesting to see what comes be continued...

*Read and approved (sort of)  by Ex-Hubby*