The End. The Beginning...

When we announced our divorce, family and friends were surprised.  Shocked even. One friend said, "But, you two have fucking endless love!" Ummm, apparently not.  On Independence Day 2012, when the realization hit that forever was never, the Earth shook a bit and threw me off balance. But, it quickly realigned and I landed on my feet and found myself in a whole new life.  Thanks to Divine intervention that new life included a job! So I traded in my mishmash of Stay-At-Home Mom clothes that were stained, baggy and had at some point over the years been used by various children as something to wipe their noses on.  I invested in a wardrobe that was appropriate to wear in public and I headed off to my new career as a First Grade Teacher.

Thankfully, I was embraced by my new community and able to take all of my kids with me to the daycare at work for the remainder of the summer.  Once school officially started and the boys went to kindergarten, my Princess was able to remain at school with me in the Pre-K class.   Of all the adjustments that came with the divorce, dropping my baby off at Pre-K for the first time was the most jarring. She was 3 months away from her 3rd birthday and I had yet to leave her for more than a few hours with anyone. The boys stayed overnight at my parents' house or with a sitter when needed. But, my baby girl was the third child and no one takes 3.   I felt physically ill the first time I dropped her off, but her teachers are fantastic and reassured me that she was ok.  And I was only going to be upstairs if she needed me.  I looked out of my classroom window and saw her on the playground with her classmates.  I instantly burst into tears when I saw her just standing there watching the other kids play. She looked so tiny, so fragile and so alone.

But, she wasn't as fragile as I thought. And neither was I.

For the past year I had been watching my Dad battle brain cancer. And he won.  I knew with that kind of strength in my DNA, divorce was not going to break me.

So I embraced my new life.  I started to figure out how to be on my own with a TON of support from my friends and family (and Ex-Hubby who still helps me take out the trash and brings me coffee from D&D.)

 I am so grateful for Bethel and Ms. Meeghan, if they were charging by the hour for therapy I would be broke!  I also have a faithful crew of LOSERS that take me out for wings at the nearest dive bar to get through the rough days! And thanks to my Gurus Tammy and Brian, I am learning how to be a Divorcée.

With the guidance of an amazing mentor at work and the help of a creative assistant teacher, I am turning out to be a pretty good teacher.  Luckily, I have a classroom full of the world's best students.

It has taken me almost 10 months to stop and breathe long enough to process it all. In that time I have realized that maybe forever IS never; the only endless loves are the Divine love of God and the love that a parent has for their child. Everything else is conditional.

But, in the end Ex-Hubby and I  have some great memories, 3 beautiful babies and a friendship that outlasted our marriage. We are freaking awesome co-parents. So Life is Good!

And as the saying goes, as that chapter of my life closed, another opened...it will be interesting to see what comes next...to be continued...

*Read and approved (sort of)  by Ex-Hubby*

Darth Dollhouse

Isabella was (reluctantly) sharing her dollhouse with her brothers. Cenzo and Isabella were very involved in having the dolls bake in the kitchen.  But, Darth Luccio thought it would be more fun if the dolls jumped off the roof and screamed really loud.  He was immediately reprimanded by his sister to "HUSH!" and not scare her babies. They were sleeping!  He also thought it would be great if the dolls attached a zipline from the couch and landed in the tiny kitchen, knocking over all the tiny dishes.  He was given a very stern look and a few huffs and puffs as his sister restocked the shelves.  But, the final straw came when he borrowed the nursery room's cradle and turned it into Santa's sleigh and flew it around the living room dropping out babies and the tiny presents he stole from under the dollhouse tree.  Even Cenzo could not stand for that!  Darth was asked to PLEASE go find his Bat Cave and play with that instead.

Super Hero Life

There are some days that change everything. Some for the better, some not so much. A true Super Hero like my Dad can take a day like July 31, 2011 and not only survive it, but overcome it and live to tell the tale.  In the moment I didn't know it would be significant, but I can remember that morning very clearly.  My boys were playing in their playroom and Isabella was taking a nap.  It was a quiet morning, so I sat down with a cup of coffee and turned on the tv to catch up on my week of General Hospital.  I took my first sip of coffee and thought, "life doesn't get better than this."  And then the phone rang...

It was my mother. Her voice sounded a bit frantic.  She said my Dad didn't feel good so she was calling an ambulance.

I knew something was wrong. Very wrong.  This is my Dad we were talking about.  The guy that refuses to go to a doctor unless something is extremely impeding his life, like his blood sugar is over 400 and he is nearly in a diabetic coma. The guy that drove himself to the hospital while having a heart attack. The guy that had his facial hair start on fire while working on a car and ran out to the yard and buried his face in the snow to cool it down. And then KEPT on going with car repair, singed face and all.

A trip to the ER?  No way.  An ambulance ride? Unheard of!   Oh my... what was going on?

Well, it took 2 weeks of CT scans, MRIs, bloodwork and a transfer to a larger hospital for a biopsy to finally get a diagnosis.  But, eventually it was confirmed that my Dad had Lymphoma in the Brain and Spine.  It is a central nervous system lymphoma, which we would learn later is pretty darn bad. And aggressive.  Immediately there was a decline in his hearing, vision, speech and balance.  These tumors were not messing around.

But, Lymphoma had yet to meet my Dad a.k.a Papa to his grandkids.  Papa had his 4 grandchildren Nikko, Vincenzo, Luccio and Isabella to live for.  And nothing was going to stop him from having more time to enjoy his life with them.

And so began the battle.

Papa spent most of the Fall in the hospital undergoing different chemotherapy treatments.  They would work. Then stop working.  Each time taking it's toll. He lost 70 pounds, his muscle mass diminished significantly, he lost his hair.  He was isolated in the hospital unable to have many visitors for fear of germs killing him.

All the while my Mother was by his side.  If ever there is a woman you want to care for you while sick or hospitalized it's Stregga.  She is loving, compassionate, intuitive, and fierce.  You want Stregga on your side.  She can coordinate medical treatment schedules and appointments like nobody's business and she is relentless in her effort to get the best care possible provided to those she loves.  Papa could not have found a better advocate!

By November, Papa had been in the hospital for a long time. Weeks at a time, then home, then back.  It blurs a little.  The kids and I had to stay away for almost 4 weeks because we went through a bought of bronchitis and colds.   So to stay in touch we used Skype! Love that invention.  The kids made gifts to send to Papa and we chatted via Skype daily.  We all looked forward to it and it helped Papa keep fighting to see his motivation!

During Thanksgiving week Papa took a turn for the worse.  His chemo has stopped working and had caused some major complications health wise.  There was a night that Mom and I got called to the hospital and things looked grim.  It was the first time I thought, Oh my God, he could actually die.  I guess somewhere in my mind that thought had floated around, but never seemed tangible because I refused to believe this disease would take him from us.  But, that night reality hit me. Lymphoma is Cancer. And Cancer can be deadly.

But, like he does...Papa took in the crappy situation and he regrouped.  And 3 days later he sat up and had breakfast. And then lunch. And then asked to be taken out of the ICU and back to a regular floor.  The doctors made him wait a couple of days.  But, he got out of there. He went back to a room.  He continue to come back to life. And within a week he was ready to go home.  So we went to the hospital and took home a guy that vaguely resembled my Dad.  He was thinner, whiter, had no hair, and could barely walk a short distance.  But, I knew it was my Dad because he still had his smile.  That man can smile even in the worst of times.  He always finds something to be grateful for.  He said, "Hey, cancer sucks! But, I have a good life."  He just wanted to go home to see those grandbabies.  That is all he cared about.

So we brought him home, propped him up on some pillows and celebrated Christmas early just in case he wasn't able to celebrate in a couple weeks.

Our family and friends were our rocks to cling to through this time.  People showed up with meals, cards, presents, flowers, helped take care of my parents' dogs, babysat my kids, wrote beautiful and loving letters that gave Papa hope and encouragement.  So many people visited and called and sent emails.  And most helpful of all, people prayed.  Papa was put on prayer lists across the country.  One friend even brought his picture with her on a trip to Medjigorie.

And in time...Papa started eating a little more (with LOTS of encouragement from Stregga)  and the horrid chemo effects started wearing off.  And over the winter he gained weight and got stronger.

By January, he was walking around, he had eyebrows again.  His speech was improving.  He was even  dressing up for doctor appointments and out of his pajamas. His doctors were shocked! One doctor could not hide is disbelief when he saw him.  He was truly amazed at the progress Papa had made.

Throughout the rest of the winter the docs gave him a new chemo to take at home. He improved. Things looked good. He went to a healing Mass.

He started building himself back up layer by layer.
The at home chemo treatment seemed to help. It even broke up one of the aggressive tumors!!

But, then in the Spring it stopped working.
The tumors grew and spread through the brain.  And everything looked bad, real bad.

So with grace and dignity Papa returned home from a hospital stay and dealt with that latest setback.  He declared his life good and spent his days with the people he loves.

And somehow he found the strength to try one more treatment. Radiation.
It sounded terrifying to me. Having the brain radiated. Oh my God!

Papa didn't hesitate.  He went into radiation like he faces everything else - no nonsense.
He accepted that this may not work.  He was told in very no nonsense terms that his condition was bad.
But, his faith and his inner strength did not fail him.

I don't know how he can be so brave and so at peace and so freaking strong.  But, he is.
And it payed off.  His last MRI showed the Lymphoma to be in remission!!!! Thank You God!!

His sight came back, his balance is better, his speech is better.  He does physical therapy and speech therapy to help him continue to recover.  And as long as he CAN move, he WILL.  He exercises, tries to eat healthy, continues to take care of his family and friends and be there for us just like he always has.  He is still one of the first people I call in a crisis!

I am so thankful that he continued to seek the best treatments available and was able to find strength and perseverance to get through it all.  I am thankful that he is celebrating today that he made it through this year.  I cannot imagine my life without him.  He is an amazing role model for me and for my brother and for my children.  He truly understands what is most important in life and to him that is Faith and Love.  He lives simple and dreams big! He is truly my Super Hero!! He will be blogging about his Battle on his own website: http://livingthesuperherolife.blogspot.com/

Summer Camp

 To make summer break extra special my mother came up with the idea of "Stregga Camp" and the kids are taking turns getting their days at her house to do activities and go on field trips with her and Papa.  And for the Campers waiting their turn at home we have devised Camp Scalzy-Walz.  We don't have as many "counselors" as Camp Stregga (or cute orange uniforms or name badges) but we have a lot of fun with arts & crafts and science projects. The idea of Camp Scalzy-Walz is to tire out the Campers as much as possible while trying to teach them something that will prepare them for kindergarten and enjoying summer as much as possible. We stay busy playing in the backyard or playroom and sometimes venture out on trips to a local amusement park or the beach. And we always try to include time for an afternoon nap.  Some Campers protest and think they don't they need naps, but those are the first ones to fall asleep!


One of our favorite activities is the Sensory Tub.  A plastic bin that we fill with all sorts of things to play with.  Their favorite so far is water with bubbles. Can't go wrong with water and bubbles!

Another activity that everyone is really into is Growing Geodes.  We used eggshells and filled them with water and Kosher salt and let them sit. Checking on them daily to see small crystals form is surprisingly very exciting!

I love summer break! It is the best time of the year for our family.  

More time together, more time to relax, more TIME. 

Backbreakers

Tonight Isabella was carrying around her two babies.  She tries to call them her twins, but it sounds like "twits."  She was hefting them around and very dramatically told us, "My babies are so heavy.  They are killing my back."

Paper Trail

Princess Bean is very into her Arts & Crafts.  Lately, she loves using her scissors to cut up paper.  Her scissoring skills are impressive, but she leaves quite a mess in her wake!  Since she loves her crafts so much, I try to provide as much paper as we can,without completely destroying the planet. She is able to use scissors at a much younger age than her brothers were.  So we try to encourage her to continue developing her fine motors skills. But, I try to give her paper that can be recycled for other purposes.  Currently she is shredding up old fax paper rolls from her Aunt.  I have her collect her shreddings into a bag and we are using them for sensory tub activities.  The goal is at the end of the month to try using these scraps to make recycled paper.  Should be interesting...and messy.

Brain Reading

At bedtime I asked the boys to quietly read some Sleepytime Stories while I put the Tiny Tyrant to sleep.  When I came back to their room Cenzo was sitting on the bed without a book.  When I asked him why he wasn't reading he said, "I am brain reading." His explanation is this, "I can't really read yet.  But, my brain can read.  Since my eyes are so close to my head everything they see, my brain sees.  So all of these books around my room are in my head now and when I sit here quietly I can see them in my mind."

Oh, okay...continue on then.

Streggy Boy

Vincenzo is quite possessive of my Mom aka Stregga aka Streggy.  The other day I was chatting with Stregga on the phone. When I hung up Vincenzo asked what we were talking about. I told him I was going to drop Isabella off for awhile with Stregga.  He got very upset and he said, "But, I'm Streggy Boy!"   They have always had a close bond.  When the boys were born prematurely they had to spend about a month in the NICU.  So every day my mom went with me and we would stay for 8-10 hours to feed, change and hold the babies.  And after they came home from the hospital my mom stayed overnight for a couple weeks to help and then visited just about every day for the first year.

 She tried to spend equal time snuggling both babies. But, Luccio had a lot of medical issues so he had lots of doctor visits and a few surgeries that first year.  So Vincenzo spent quite a bit of time with Stregga. He would stay with her while I went to appointments or had to stay at the hospital with Luccio.  And sometimes he would stay overnight just because she missed him and wanted him to.  Luccio spent a lot of time at Stregga's too and would stayover.  She would even take them both over night and still does. But, Luccio tends to refer to himself as "Pop's Buddy," they are so silly together!  Papa was never worried to take care of Luccio even when he had stitches or his terrible respiratory issues.  Sometimes Papa would be the only one that could calm Luccio as a baby and he would spend hours sitting in the rocking chair with him. But, as Vincenzo has grown up he has claimed to be "Streggy Boy."

We are very blessed that the kids have two sets of wonderful grandparents.  Grandma and Papa always come up with "Activities" to teach and entertain during their visits and the kids get really into it!  And Grandma and Papa always remember to bring a cooler full of ice cream treats!! There is a certain joy the kids get from spending time with their grandparents.  The unconditional love and ears that don't tire of hearing their stories are priceless!!

This was a tough year for Vincenzo because my Dad was sick and that meant less time for him to be with Stregga.  Now that Papa is feeling better and summer is here, Vincenzo has big plans for Stregga!  The two of them have dreamed up Camp Stregga.  It starts next week and according to Vincenzo he is staying for 5 days.  I told him maybe he should only stay 2 nights because I would miss him, but he said I will get over it.  He has been planning for weeks and it's all he talks about lately.  He asks very day how many more days until camp. Monday I told him one more week and he was so upset, he insisted I am adding weeks to make him wait longer.

He has all kinds of activities planned for Camp.  They are going to read, build, take field trips, learn letters, paint and of course shop! Because what would Stregga Camp be without some shopping?!!

Cow

Growing up my friend Steph and I would nickname our neighbors. One neighbor we dubbed, Bikini Lady.  She would wear her bikini in her front yard to garden, mow the lawn, play with her kids, read a book, and everything else.  Men, women and children in our neighborhood couldn't help but stare.  She had the perfect bikini body, which in the old days meant curvy.  A lot fell out of her bikini as she worked. I never actually spoke with Bikini Lady, but I often wondered what on Earth possessed that mom to go outside in her bathing suit long before and long after the weather was really appropriate for it.

Yesterday I was doing some yard work, I wore cotton shorts and a mismatched stained t-shirt.  The ensemble fit much better 50 pounds and 2 pregnancies ago.  I pitied any neighbor that might catch sight of me. Surely, it was not the pleasant view that Bikini Lady would have provided.

As I tried accomplishing my projects, I was sweating through my ratty outfit and had Isabella screaming in my face at various points.  And the annoying neighborhood kid that rides his bike in the road and through the intersection without looking was lurking around. I know I have warned that kid about bicycle safety enough times that he must have some nicknames for me.

I couldn't help thinking of another woman from the old neighborhood, one that Steph and I called Cow.  Well, Cow was an overweight, sloppy lady that often yelled at her own rambunctious kids as well as any neighborhood children that walked by her house.

For a moment I had to laugh - Karma sure is a bitch!