Saturday, September 20, 2014

Where the Hell am I ??!!

Why would I need a GPS when I have an ex-husband with an iPhone? I'm usually pretty good with directions and finding my way around. However, there are those times when map quest sends me on a wild goose chase or I have taken a wrong turn and realized I am no where near my destination. In those situations I try to trust my gut instinct and follow the road that "looks" right. When all else fails I call Oz in a panic and he talks me through until I find my way. He can usually plug into google maps the street info that I think is correct and help me figure out the path I need to get on to arrive at my destination. Something I can probably do with my own phone but haven't figured out yet how to. Although Oz does mention on every occasion that I should probably try figuring out that map app.

Recently, I was with a co-worker trying to find a conference that we were attending. It was in Oz's area of the world and the location seemed familiar. My friend's navigation system and our googled directions were telling us we had arrived at our location but it was NOT there!

We drove around in circles and we were running very late. So I texted Oz. I knew he was at work nearby. He called me and asked what car I was in, I described it to him and he said he saw us and talked us through until we drove around construction site detours  and we finally arrived at the correct building which happened to be next door to his school.

As I settled into my conference seat, the thought occurred to me that in a matter of minutes Oz was able to look out a random window in his school building and find me on a crowded street in our state's capital city in a car that was not my own. The amazingness of that did not escape me!

I also call him during air travel. On a trip this summer I realized I had not been on a plane in 8 years and they are much smaller than I remembered. When my friend Sara and I arrived we were seated in the VERY last seat in the back of the plane by the bathroom. I started having a mild anxiety attack and felt claustrophobic like I had been shoved into an MRI machine. Sara was in a bit of a panic too because she hadn't traveled in awhile.

I didn't want to show just how nervous I was, so I texted Oz.  He reassured us both that the last seat on the airplane was the safest. We relaxed during take off and were basically ok.

On the ride back home we ran into some flight issues. The first flight couldn't take off because it was too heavy for the hot weather and it would affect the gas mileage.  So we circled forever until they decided to remove 6 passengers.  I texted Oz and he said he was sure this was a routine thing.  Not to worry.

We changed flights halfway across the country. The second flight was a brand new jet. Very exciting!
Except that we circled on the tarmac for a LONG time and then the pilot came on to announce there was an issue with the maintenance system.


 Luckily this new fancy jet included charging plugs for my iPhone. So... I called Oz. I was freaking out that our plane was going to crash.

He reasoned that my plane was probably not going to crash land- especially since I was NOT actually in the air.  Good point!

Within a few minutes the pilot got on the speaker to say all was fine. Crisis averted!

The man sitting next to me said, "so your husband is calm in a crisis?"  I explained that he was calm (usually), but my EX-husband.  He said that his ex-wife would be glad if the plane went down with him on it. I told him that it did not calm my nerves AT ALL to know that information.

I will admit it's weird. I have been working on being more independent and for the most part I am making progress. But, there is no road map for post divorce relationships. However, there is a road map app that I seriously need to figure out.

Before this starts sounding like a sentimental bunch of crap please know that I am a realist.  I know why Oz still bothers to take my calls even though it annoys him.  The bottom line is - child care is NOT cheap.  Oz always says, "get home safely, I need you to take care of my kids."   I would be VERY expensive to replace!