Sunday, March 9, 2014

Queen of His Universe

As my father gears up to battle for his life again, his inspiration to live is my mother. She is his Universe. Some people wait their whole lives to glimpse Truelove up close, I was fortunate to have been raised with it right in my home. My parents met as teenagers. They were "cruising" in the local Plaza with friends. My mom was a long haired hippie chick, she knew she wasn't allowed to get in cars with boys, but my Dad was the hot guy with a muscle car and she couldn't resist. So she took a chance and got in and they never looked back. 44 years later they are still going strong! Children, grandchildren, houses, jobs, adventures, celebrations, tragedies, they have been   through it all. The thing about Truelove is that it's not perfect, but it endures.

Three years ago they faced their greatest challenge. Cancer. When my Dad was diagnosed it was like the bottom fell out of the world we all knew. What we thought was heatstroke turned out to be CNS Lymphoma in his spine and brain. It is a very aggressive type of lymphoma. But, he survived treatment after treatment and underwent radiation and went into remission. He has had nearly 2 more years of life than the doctors thought he would. He is like that, a fighter, a survivor. And there is no one he enjoys fighting for more than my mother. Lymphoma did not stand a chance, he kicked it's ass! I'm praying he will do it again.

He lives to take care of her. My mom is a strong, independent woman, but she loves him and loves letting him take care of her. So he does. He has always romanced her with extravagant gifts and dozens of flowers and songs and poems and jewelry and thoughtfulness. Sometimes we can't help but laugh at his over the top gestures. Especially since my mom is the type that would appreciate a hand picked daisy, but he will show up with 4 dozen long stemmed roses. Why 4 dozen? Why not just 1?  Because.

He fights for her. He is her champion in all things. If she wants it he will help her make it happen whatever it is.  Growing up, we knew better than to ever talk back to Mom in front of him. (Although when he wasn't home it was fair game. Sorry Nita!) He will still tell me not to talk back to her. Even now that he has lost most of his hearing, he can tell by the bitchy looks I give her when I am saying something nasty and he will tell me to knock it off. No one disrespects his Lady!

He is a Dreamer and a Hopeless Romantic. He believes in fairy tales and knights and dragons. He collects swords and believes that Camelot exists. My mother is the Queen of his Kingdom.

BC (before cancer) my Dad was a guy that looked young for his age and he was in great shape and very muscular. Women threw themselves at him shamelessly.  On more than one occasion when I was out with him and my kids at restaurants, the park, the zoo, etc., women would come up and tell me that my "husband" was so hot or sexy or how lucky I was. Then they would proceed to flirt with him right in front of me and the kids. I would be like #1- He is NOT my husband, he is my father. And #2 - Back off Bitch!  Most of the time he would be oblivious to the attention. When I would tell my mom she'd laugh.  Even after he lost all his hair and tons of weight, women are still after him. Apparently bald men are a big hit. My mom thinks its hilarious.  She has no self doubts at all because she knows she is his Universe.

When he was healthy he worked a lot, but still managed to think ahead and figure out ways to make her feel special and helped around the house. Since his "retirement," he has even more time to devote to anticipating her every need. Her tea is ready when she wakes up, her clothes are ironed for her, the car is warmed up, when he could still see enough he was driving her to and from work every day, he packs her lunch to take, while she is gone he vacuums and cleans the house, when she arrives home her dinner is waiting for her.

The Doctors told him last week that his Cancer was back in his brain and there were not many treatment options. He told the doctor to call him when they came up with something. Then he went home and started cooking meals to freeze in case he has to go into the hospital again or worse, so my mom will have food.

The part of his brain where the tumor is controls balance, sight, speech. Pretty much everything. So he started to use a cane. He basically spent this week propping himself up at the kitchen counter cooking.  One day my aunt went and helped him and he made enough sauce and meatballs for an Italian army to eat for a month. Another day it was an entire turkey dinner with all the sides. It looked like Thanksgiving in there. The freezer is full! All he cares about is that my mother will be ok.

When I talked to him about the news, he said he has lived a good life and will accept whatever comes. But, he will go down fighting and has to make sure my mom will be alright. I assured him we will take care of her. But, he knows darn well it won't be the same.

Thankfully the doctors did call and said they found one more treatment option. They said it's a 50/50 chance. He said he will take it. It's better than zero. So tomorrow the fight begins. With my mom by his side I have no doubt he will give it all he's got!

Sunday, March 2, 2014

Deal Breakers

I was out with a friend when a recently divorced guy started chatting with us. Being back on the dating scene he wanted advice on what women consider deal breakers. Always willing to give our opinions we told him to bring it. (We did however remind him that there are several billion women on the planet and that contrary to popular belief - we are NOT all the same. So he may get different answers depending on who he asks.)
Here goes…
What if a guy smokes?  Deal breaker.
What if he is trying to quit?   Deal breaker. We know you will always be "trying" to quit.
What if he drinks? Social drinking is ok. Don't be sloppy!
What about drugs? Deal breaker.
What if a guy does not have a job? Deal breaker. Unless he is terminally ill or a Stay-at-Home dad.
What if he has a job, but hates it?  Grow a pair and get a new job.
What if he has children? No problem. If they have a mother to take care of them, even better.
What if he wants children? Depends on the circumstances and his answers to the questions above!
What if he is broke because his ex-wife cleaned his clock in court?  Good for your ex-wife!  Just be sure you have enough money to buy dinner and flowers occasionally. And chocolate martinis.
What if a guy walks up to you and says he wants to fuck you? You might want to work on your game.
What if the guy is into other dudes sometimes?

And end scene.
Seriously cannot make this shit up.
My next book is going to be called
Single Life: Stories from the Trenches.