The other day I had one of those moments where the world seems to stop for just a few seconds and everything comes into sharper focus. I was at a Bounce House place with my daughter and I started chatting with a mom that was standing next to me. Her older son was Isabella's age (2) and she had a sleeping 6 month old baby boy in a sling. I remember noticing the baby and thinking, oh those snuggly newborn days are so nice. The Mom and I were watching our little ones playing together and making small talk about their ages and antics, etc.
The atmosphere was pretty busy, loud music playing, kids running and jumping everywhere and lots of brights colors and fluorescent lights. I was half listening and half watching Isabella and not really giving the moment too much brain power. The other Mom was pointing out how cute Isabella's outfit was and how her curly hair was so beautiful and how amazing her crystal blue eyes are. I am sort of used to people commenting on Isabella's eyes and of course when Moms meet we tend to compliment each others cute little kids. So I didn't put much stock in it. Just polite conversation. She commented on Isabella's painted toes and earrings and how much fun it must be to dress her up.
She asked if I had any other children and I told her I had twin boys. I didn't wait for a response because I figured she would say the same things I always hear such as how nutty my life is and how I must be very busy with twin boys, etc.
But, it caught my attention when she looked right at me and she said, "You are so lucky."
I felt like a fog cleared and I snapped to attention. There was something in the way she said it that made my ears sharpen up and my eyes focus. I looked at the Mom and her beautiful sleeping baby boy. I knew in the way she said it that she meant I was so lucky to have Isabella. A girl. A daughter. She meant it could have gone either way and I could have had a third boy.
I noticed in that moment how tired she looked, the dazed exhaustion of those early months where you would give an arm or leg if meant a few extra hours of sleep. You are up all night and day until it blends together and you feel like you are a shell of your former self.
I felt a moment of profound clarity that so rarely happens in my day to day scrambling. I looked at my beautiful baby Princess. Her shining face, her perfect skin and gorgeous smile. She was laughing and playing and so alive. I have always wanted a daughter. I started carrying around baby dolls as soon as I could walk. I babysat every baby in my family and neighborhood for years. I dreamed of what my baby girl would like and what I would name her. I even bought dresses and trinkets to save for someday when I had by little girl. And when I found out I was carrying twins I would be lying if I didn't say I thought one would be a girl. I was convinced of it. Because I felt like I was meant to have a daughter. When they were 2 boys I was shocked! But, I liked the idea of twins being the same gender and quickly adjusted and planned etc. And I love my boys so much!
But, a couple years later when I was pregnant again I was hoping with my whole heart for a little girl. And when I saw her on that first ultrasound I breathed a sigh of relief and prayed a prayer of Thanks. I reveled in the idea of my Daughter. And I enjoy life with her so much! She is everything I could have dreamed and more. And I know I am lucky. Even if it takes a stranger to remind me.
However, now that my kids are older and I have a bit more sleep than the Mom I was chatting with, I am also able to see a much clearer perspective than she had at that moment. Being a MOTHER OF BOYS is total awesomeness! They are so loving and kind and gentle and crazy and funny and full of life giving energy. They are creative and smart and curious and daring and they love unconditionally. They are wild! My boys are my miracles. They made it through pre-term delivery, low birth weights and health issues. They have grown and matured into amazing little guys. I cannot imagine my life without them. I remember what that life was like. I remember being in the darkest days of a battle with infertility and thinking I could not live life without being a Mother.
It was only a few beats of the heart and ticks of the clock that all of this whirled through my mind. After that pause in conversation I looked at the other Mom and I thanked her. I told her I thought she was so lucky too. I assured her that she is going to have a full and amazing life with her boys, surrounded by energy and love. And she is going to enjoy it beyond imagination.
And then I was off chasing Isabella to the next bouncing activity and the world went back to spinning as fast and furious as ever.
This Mother's Day weekend I am Thankful for my babies and for all that they have brought to my life. I am thankful for my Mother. She is my best friend, my biggest supporter and the most compassionate person I know. I am thankful for my Mother in Law, she raised 3 wonderful sons and enjoyed it. I am married to her youngest. The third boy. What a blessing he is!
Also, I wish the best to all the Moms out there that they enjoy their babies and hopefully get to sleep in tomorrow! For those who want to be Moms someday I pray a special prayer for you. And for all those Mothers that have lost babies, may their hearts find Peace and know their Angels watch over them.