Life Force Energy

There is something about a new baby, a new life, a new chance to start again that inspires me to be my best self. My daughter turned 7 months old this weekend and my mind can't seem to accept it. She is still a tiny newborn in my mind, still 2 weeks old. I feel like we just brought her home from the hospital. Yet, at the same time I know her so much better now. She is a sweet, gentle baby. She is so content and happy, she delights in watching her brothers antics and laughs with glee at their silliness. She is their best audience! She waits for her Daddy to arrive home and squeals and coos to greet him! And she is my baby doll for sure. She sees me walk into her room and her eyes light up and her whole body moves with an amazing energy. She laughs, knowing I am going to scoop her up and kiss her chubby cheeks! Every time I see her sit up on her own, reach for toys, roll over, get ready to crawl, I am impressed with her strength. She really demonstrated that strength when she took Luccio's glasses right off his face!! I think that was the "ah-ha" moment where we all realized the mushy newborn is gone and in her places is a baby girl absorbing everything about her world.

I think because I had the twins first, I am relishing Isabella's babyhood in a way that I would not have appreciated without that experience of raising two babies simultaneously. With Isabella it is so different because I can sit and nurse her and not feel rushed that another baby is screaming for food or I can hold her and cuddle and not feel like someone else isn't getting their fair share of snuggles. And when the boys are at school or sleeping, I have time with her that is just us. Quiet moments to see her play and appreciate her for the baby that she is. I don't have the same anxiety of questioning when and if she will walk, talk, dance, read, etc. I feel like I can just enjoy her because I know she will do it all and on her own time. In fact, I have tried to keep her a tiny newborn for as long as possible and she has hit all the milestones despite me, LOL!

As my Princess is growing I have really been reflecting on what it means to be a woman and to raise a woman in our society. I feel like I want to strive to be the best person I am capable of being and reach my fullest potential in all I do while at the same time balancing that with a sense of contentment and appreciation for the life I have. No small feat for sure!! Especially when sleep deprived for 7 months, LOL!!

At the end of the day I know I can always do better. And with 3 kids I feel like I am always trying to catch up on something, the laundry piles, the dishes, the yard work, the paperwork, bills, grocery shopping, nose wiping, diaper changing, meal making, snuggles, etc. There is always something I have forgotten or didn't do well.

I often have to stop and remind myself of the mantra that my good friend, Father Bob, once told me, "You have enough, you do enough, you ARE enough."

I Like You

The boys are starting to get the difference between love and like. They went through a phase where everything was LOVE. I love you , I love pizza, I love Elmo, I love crocodiles. Luccio quickly realized that "I love You" gets results. So he would say, "I love you Mama" at bedtime, then at random times throughout the day. He saw how happy I would get, so he kept saying it. And now when he does something he KNOWS he is not supposed to do, he will look at me and say, "I love you Mama." At first my heart would melt, then I caught on to the fact that I am being emotionally manipulated by my 3 year old and it lost some of the cuteness. But I have to hand it to that Bear, it really works like a charm even though I know better!

The other day we were driving in the car and Luccio randomly says, "I like you Mama. I really, really like you." I was ecstatic!! Who doesn't love to hear they are liked?? So I replied, "I like you too! I really like how sweet you are and how you make me laugh and how much fun we have together." He said, "Yeah Mama. I like you a lot."

I was sitting there feeling pretty good about myself. Thinking, "ok, I must be doing something right. I may not get it all perfect, but I have kids that love me, like me even. At the end of the day that is what I am thankful for."

And then from the way back seat, Cenzo chimes in. He said, "Yeah. I like you too Mama. I really like it when you yell at us."

Ahhhhh....so much for my Mother of The Year Award!

Back to Bloggin'

So it's been while since I have updated. With 3 1/2 year Twin Tornadoes and a 6 month old Princess it's as if someone hit the fast forward button on my life somewhere back in October and I am just now starting to slow it down again.

The Tornadoes aka Cenzo and Luccio are doing fantastic, but they are busier than ever! Busy has taken on new meanings this year. First of all they are busy in the sense that they wake up talking and exploring at 7 am and go on and on with new conversations and adventures until they pass out at bedtime. They are also busy growing in leaps and bounds. They have gotten so much taller and their vocabularies are expanding constantly. They amaze me every day with how much information they can absorb and understand and relate to. And they have developed social lives that keep us all busy!! They have friends at preschool so we have been invited to birthday parties and play dates, etc. Its funny because they have their own friends now instead of only playing with the children of my friends. We still do that a majority of the time of course, but to meet new friends through my kids is such a surreal experience!! I feel like such a "Mom." LOL!!

My Princess is almost 7 months old, it's crazy to me how fast time has gone by. I feel like I was just pregnant with her. It seems like overnight she has gone from a sleepy newborn to an active infant. She started solid foods a couple weeks ago and had tried using a sippy cup, she rolls over, sits on her own, and seems ready to crawl soon! How can this be??? I am trying to preserve every moment of her babyhood I don't want it to rush past me like it did when the boys were this age. I feel like because she is a "singleton" I can sit with her and appreciate her in a way I wasn't able to with young twins. But, it's still going faster than I would like.

However, everyone is healthy and happy and I couldn't ask for more! And they keep life interesting with lots of stories to blog about! Now if I can just find a way to get the Princess sleeping through the night so I can have the energy to blog on a more regular basis...well wouldn't that be a great trick, LOL!!

Dunkin' Gambler

To say I HAVE to have my cup of Dunkin Donuts coffee to start my day is a major understatement. I switched to decaf about 5 years ago, but there is something about that coffee that helps wake me up. But, I often ask myself, why do I drink this coffee?? Half the time it either tastes awful or is mixed wrong, but still I go back for more. The other day I had a revelation...I continue to drink D&D coffee as often as possible because ONE time, ages ago, I had the PERFECT cup of coffee. It was back in the college days when I was drinking my coffee "light & sweet." Yeah, living it up in those days, LOL! There was that day about 16 years ago when my coffee was mixed just right! And I have been chasing that dream since.

Over the years I have switched to decaf, extra light, no sugar. There were even a few years, when I was on Weight Watchers, when I would have light with skim milk and no sugar, ughhh I can't even begin to tell you how gross decaf coffe with watered down milk tastes. Yet, I couldn't pass a D&D without stopping. When I fell off the Weight Watcher wagon, the only change I kept was the no sugar. And I live it up a little with French Vanilla flavoring.

No matter how many times I repeat my order at the drive-thru there are more times than not where I get a Surprise Coffee, as in "Surprise, your coffee is not mixed how you ordered it and tastes like crap." Or "surprise your coffee is not mixed like you ordered, but has so much sugar you are almost in a a coma." or the best is "surprise your coffee is mixed so yummy that it could not possibly be what you ordered." Ahhhhhh, well I keep going back. And on difficult days when my kids are draining every last ounce of my energy, I find that a little D&D is the perfect pick me up.

Gambling is in the family. My 100% Italian Grandfather often referred to the Pequots as "cousins" because in his old age he visited the Casino "fairly" often. So I think that is why I keep going back to D&D hoping that I will get that perfect cup of coffee one more time!

It has to be the thrill of the dunkin' roulette because it usually isn't the taste of the coffee, LOL!

Well Hellooooo...

So, you know when you meet a new friend and it sounds like a great idea to get the kids together for a Playdate and you end up inviting them over for lunch and it seems perfect- until you realize you need to run around cleaning like a maniac because they have never been to your house before and you don't want to them to think you live in a messy, poop-scented Frat House that has been turned upside down by Twin Tornadoes... or is that just me??

Anyway...one of the mom's at the boys' preschool has become a great friend and we have gotten together on school mornings to have coffee and chat. She has a son the same age as the boys and a baby girl the same age as the Princess. And she usually sees me while the boys are in school. So, with one baby girl (who is usually sleeping while we chat) I appear to be mostly put together. I can sit and make somewhat coherent conversation and I can leisurely nurse the baby while relaxing and sipping yummy flavored coffees.

Well, the other day we decided to get together with all the kids and so we ended up at my house one afternoon when school got out. I spent 2 days cleaning the house and rearranging the toys in the playroom to make it seem as if we have enough space for 3 toddler boys to play. And I attempted to get through the 2 hours of lunch and play without appearing completely disheveled, unorganized and chaotic in general. The living room, kitchen, kids' rooms and bathroom were clean and the toy room looked great. And I had a simple, but great lunch of cheese quesadillas and apples planned with homemade cookies for dessert.

Well, the facade lasted about 10 glorious minutes. Then the boys were all jumping on the furniture while I made lunch, the baby started crying and wanted to be nursed, Luccio pooped his pants and all the kids basically declared pure hatred for quesadillas. And my friend's son opened the one off-limits "Messy Room" door aka my bedroom and revealed the mountain of laundry piles and baby equipment that I had attempted to hide.

And so we went with Plan B...

I defrosted milk for the Princess, boiled up some Kraft mac and cheese, and gave in to utter chaos that ensued. We ate, the kids spilled water and food and just about anything they could their hands on and my friend shoveled food into the kids' dishes trying to keep up with them while I changed poop diapers. And somewhere in the middle of it all my friend and I chatted about all of the important things in the life of a mom.

Everyone had fun and went home happy and sleepy. I wasn't sure, but I thought it went well enough that we would still be friends. I collapsed in an exhausted heap and napped while the kids napped that day.

Then my friend called a few days later because she had forgotten her baby carrier and needed it before we would see her at school again. She wanted to know if she could stop by and pick it up in about 15 minutes?? Hmm...no problem...

15 minutes?? I sprang into action and quickly moved the Laundry Mountain that I had been folding from the couch to the bedroom. I changed out of my raggy jammies and put on semi-decent comfy clothes. I threw toys in bins and wiped the kids faces. Not bad. And THEN - Luccio pooped and Cenzo insisted he needed the potty at that moment. And in 2 minutes time my house turned into a Frat House- with poop jokes and goofy laughing and a poop scent that could kill a small animal. I opened windows and the front door and got out my lemon/lavender spray and started spritzing. My friend suddenly appeared in the open doorway and saw me spraying down the living room. So I calmly went over the the door to say "Hello."

Luccio proceeded to tell her that he is potty training and if he goes poop on the potty we are going to have a "Poop Party." Which is true, but more info than we needed to share at the moment. She laughed and we chatted for a few minutes. Then Cenzo came out of the bathroom and joined the conversation.

My friend invited us over for lunch and a play date for next week and then she said she had to run cause the kids needed to get home for naps.

Just as I was about to breath a sigh of relief that the visit hadn't gone too badly, I looked down and realized Cenzo was standing next to me...

COMPLETELY NAKED!!!!

Well....

Queen of the Castle

Today was Luccio's Special Day at Preschool. And it was not without the typical Bear drama. Each student can sign up for a special day. On that day, the child is the line leader, the flag holder, and has a special mat to sit on for Circle time. They can bring in a parent and a favorite toy or story and a special snack. They also wear a crown and the kids sing a song to them. It's too cute!!!

Ms. Z had prepped Luccio so he knew what Special Day was all about. Last night Hubby made Spider Man cupcakes with him. And this morning I went to school with him. We were all very excited. The morning went well.

Until we arrived in the school parking lot.

Then Luccio decided to have a meltdown. It was sparked by the fact that Isabella went to Stregga's house for the morning so I could go to school. Luccio thought the baby was coming with us and was VERY disappointed that she was not, so he cried and cried. Then a friendly mom from the group graciously offered to help me in with the kids and cupcakes etc. But, Luccio didn't want the nice Mom or ANYONE to speak to him. Great. The he fell in the parking lot and scraped his knee. When I picked him up to clean him off, I realized he also had pooped his pants. Thankfully he was wearing a Pull-Up!!! So we dropped off the cupcakes and scurried to the bathroom to "freshen" him up.

When we returned he still had a grumpy attitude, but Ms. Z and the other teachers went on with the morning business and he eventually went on to play with his friends.

When he was given his Special Day crown, that lifted his mood!! He was all smiles from that moment on. He proudly held the flag while everyone said The Pledge. He loved being line leader and he could hardly wait to share his cupcakes. He really enjoyed his day!!

Nothing was sweeter than his friends all singing the Special Day song to him!!! He was beaming!

My absolute favorite moment of the day was when Luccio was given his crown and one little friend ran up and said. "It's your special day Luccio! You are the Queen of the Castle!!!

Blue Eyes

Twins have a Rock Star quality about them. They are fun, messy, have tantrums, and enjoy celebrity status when out in public!! People always stop us to comment. When the boys were younger it didn't surprise me because even though they look nothing alike, with matching clothes and carseats it was obvious they were twins. Now that they are older it takes people longer to ask, but usually when they see 2 kids close in age and wearing matching or coordinating jackets, the questions start. Are they identical is the most popular question. I usually just look at the person for moment to see if they are joking and hen I say, "Uh, no." In fact, they couldn't;t be more fraternal looking. Opposites right down to their belly buttons, Luccio has an "outie" and Cenzo has an "innie."

When we added a third bundle of joy to our family I wondered what that would be like. Being the younger sibling of Rock Stars may not have been easy for a third boy, but since we had a Princess, she has her own celebrity status when we go out. She is a girlie-girl with pink and brown coordinating carseats, stroller and blankets. Her outfits are always matching and her earrings add some major sparkle. But, what stands out most is her blue eyes!

I have found that having blue eyes is equal to the twin phenomenon. People stop and stare and comment about her eyes all the time. The number one question is "Will they stay blue?"

I always think - Umm...let me get my crystal ball and I will get back to you!

But, I do hope they will stay, they are gorgeous!!!

I didn't realize just how many times the Blue Eyes have been the topic of conversation until one morning Luccio said to me, "I have blue eyes." At first I didn't know what he was talking about. But, he repeated it to me. As I stared into his chocolate brown eyes I realized what he meant. He understood Blue Eyes are something special, worthy of conversation, attractive to people.

And so at every opportunity he tells people "I have blue eyes." And people look at me like I should spend more time teaching him his colors.

Nutty McNutsalot

So, we had a new tenant in the house over the winter, Mr. Nutty McNutsalot. At first we didn't realize Nutty was moving in with us. About a month ago, I had heard noises when I was sitting in the living room. Hubby convinced me it was "the window rattling." Really?? Hmmm...it was a windy winter, we have old windows, seemed to make sense. Sort of. Except the noise seemed to be coming from the ceiling and running back in forth from the kitchen to the living room over my head!!!! Those who know me or who read this blog regularly know I am NOT a fan of furry wildlife, especially in my house. So when I heard "the windows rattling" more often I got nervous. I called Mr. Tim, the professional exterminator that I signed us up with last year when it was suspected a mouse was in my house. Back then, poor Mr. Tim came over to find me standing on my kitchen chair with my kids and bags packed up to move out until the Beast was caught. He tried to reason with me that one suspected mouse in a basement doesn't require me to move out, but clearly he was not thinking straight!

Anyway, after 2 weeks of windows rattling I decided to have Mr. Tim take a look in the attic. And wouldn't ya know it, the windows left behind a poop trail after they rattled. Hubby was still skeptical. But, Mr. Tim assured us a squirrel had in fact moved in and liked our attic so much he decided to build a nest and stay a while. Fantastic.

Now, Mr. Tim tried telling me that the squirrel was NOT going to dig holes through the ceiling and come into the house. He was just going to build a nest and play with the exposed wiring in our attic, but since we have working smoke detectors that shouldn't be a problem. Oh great, that's better.

Needless to say I started sleeping with a light on. Not a small nightlight either, a nice bright lamp. Hubby wasn't too happy about that or about the $350 estimate Mr. Tim gave us for removing the squirrel. Apparently "nuisance wildlife" is not covered on our service plan as they require special techniques to remove and "dispose"of.

So Hubby decided he would move Nutty out himself. I told him he had 1 week and then I was calling Mr Tim back. I figured even a super squirrel couldn't dig his way through my ceiling in one week, but I wasn't chancing any longer than that!!!

And so the meeting of the minds began. It was Nutty versus Hubby.

First, Hubby "foamed" the hole outside where the squirrel was coming in.

One point for Hubby. Two days passed and Nutty was not heard from!! WOO HOOO

BUT, Mr. Tim had suggested getting a screen and some metal to reinforce the hole, apparently Nutty likes to chew foam so the metal would keep him out. Hubby kept meaning to get to the hardware store, but didn't. He underestimated Nutty. After 48 hours he was back!! And running over my bedroom while I tried to sleep. Not helpful!!

Hubby stepped up the endeavors. One night on the way home from work he stopped to get screening and metal and all kinds of supplies and worked on patching the hole.

He forgot to get a drill though and therefore couldn't;t finish the job, but thought it would be "good enough" until he could a drill. 24 hours later-Nutty was back!!!

So- Hubby got tougher. He got a drill, put more foam and a screen and who knows what else and filled in the entrance to Nutty't apartment. Woo Hoo!!! Progress!!

The only problem....Nutty was inside the attic. So yeah, now Nutty was trapped in the attic with no way of escaping through the bullet proof screen Hubby had installed.

Hubby got traps.

After a couple days of being stuck in the attic my cousin, Sammi worried that Nutty would starve. But, I assured her. Nutty was well fed. He ate every bit of the bait that Hubby left in the traps for him. Without ever setting off the trap. Nice!

We were beginning to get attached to Nutty. Proud of him in fact for being so darn smart. We surely had the smartest squirrel EVER. Not only could he eat through foam, build nests and run marathons, he could tip over traps with over once getting caught. After 2 days the only thing Hubby caught in the traps was his own hand. Twice.

Now to be outdone by a squirrel, Hubby persisted. And patience payed off!! I heard Nutty one afternoon. And then I didn't. When Hubby came home that night he went into the attic with a flashlight and a garbage bag ready to do battle.

Let's just say that Hubby was the victor!!!! WOO HOO!!!! I have never been prouder. He was so brave!!! He battled that ferocious, furry genius and won!!

I had to be given as few details on the battle as possible because I needed to be able to return to sleeping with the lights off for all of our sanity. But, I was extremely impressed with Hubby's wit and skills when it came to capturing wildlife. And though I may have been a doubter in the beginning and might have even made fun of some of his tactics, I have to say Hubby was right! It was so much more satisfying to have Nutty out of the house for way less than $350. Extermination is a lucrative business.

Mr. McNutsalot you made our winter interesting. But, I am glad to see you gone. And may all of your friends be warned!!

Mr. Bear

It was Family Week at preschool. The teacher, Ms. Z, invited parents to sign up to be a part of the class activities. I was excited to have the opportunity to see the boys in their school environment. I signed up for Story Time, from 11:10-11:30 am. I was really looking forward to reading with the kids!

We did extremely well getting out of the house that morning. By 8:30 am everyone was washed, dressed, fed and ready for take off. We had back packs (both of them, which is a whole other story) and the sun was shining after days of rain! Thank you God!!! I even remembered their homework!!

The plan was to drop the boys off and return to school later for story time. I decided to go a few minutes early to see how things go in class and "quietly" sit in the background.

Well...you know what they say, tell God your plan and He will laugh. I am sure He was having a good laugh that day because it went from bad to worse.

When I arrived it was about 15 or 20 mins before Story Time. I walked in the door and immediately Luccio spotted me. The kids were set up at tables working on drawing pictures of their families. Luccio saw me and started yelling, "Mommy!! Mommy's here!"

So much for my quiet entrance!

Thankfully Ms. Z and the other teachers, Ms. L and Ms. D, were very welcoming! They said it was fine that I arrived early and invited me to join in with the class.

Cenzo was excited for me to be at school too. I visited his table and he introduced me to his friends. He seemed like he would be fine with me hanging out and observing the happenings of the group.

But, Luccio, my Little Bear, was not so content. He was soooooo excited! He declared Art was over. Which started a domino effect and all of the kids at his table wanted to be done with art.

Ms. Z didn't miss a beat. She quickly got everyone to clean up and move on to the next task.
Ms. L led a Music activity. My boys ended up as partners and were all over the place, not listening, dancing around like goofballs, and completely off task. Ms. Z assured me they weren't usually like this and that they normally aren't paired together.

One of the reasons I picked this preschool for my boys was because the first time I walked in the room I felt a sense of comfort. Positive energy radiates from Ms. Z. And as a twin mom herself, with 4 sons, not much ruffles her.

As my boys were getting more and more hyper and further off task during Music, I felt like running from the room and hiding. Especially when Luccio was marching to his own beat. Literally. He was marching in the opposite direction of EVERYONE else.

Ms. Z said, "He loves music!"

When we went back in to the classroom for story time, Luccio completely melted down. He was crying and carrying on because he wanted to sit on my lap and he wanted to wear his back pack to story circle and he wanted to play with the toy that was in his bag. He was yelling, "Mommy!! I want Mommy!!!"

Ms. Z said, "He is so loving! He loves his Mommy."

During Story Time, Luccio stood in front of me whining and demanding to sit on my lap and see the pictures and he didn't want me to read to his friends.

I felt my pulse racing, I was overheating and thought I would pass out from the embarrassment and stress. But, his 3 teachers sat in the circle with the other students and smiled and encouraged everyone to participate in talking about the book as if Luccio wasn't having a breakdown in the center of the circle.

Ms. Z gently guided him back to his table and gave him a hug and reassured him that he was doing great. She pointed out how exciting it is to have Mommy visit school.

I sat with him and held him on my lap and thought, "My goodness, is this my child???"

I practically ran from the building when it was time for dismissal. I couldn't believe how the day had gone. I totally disrupted everything and created chaos with my mere presence. Ughhhhhh

Luckily, we ran into Ms. Z a few days later at a basketball game. She was so positive and reassuring and said that its often difficult for kids when their parents come into the class, especially the first time. She also mentioned he wasn't the only one who had a hard time when a parent visited. She told a story of another little one from class that was crying the following day when his mom visited. I felt so relieved, even though I pitied the other Mom because I knew how she must have felt.

I am so thankful that I went with my gut instinct when I chose this school for the boys. I wanted their first school experience to be positive. I wanted a teacher who would have patience and compassion. A person who would inspire them. Before school started for the year, I had mentioned to Ms. Z that Luccio had medical issues and that he may have some developmental issues. And she said, "we love them all the same." And she does!

Its important for preschoolers to learn letters, numbers and colors. But, at the end of the day I want my sons to learn to love and to be loved. And I can tell you they are learning that this year with their amazing teachers!!

During those moments of what appeared to be complete insanity with Luccio screaming and causing a scene, Ms. Z pointed out his strengths: He loves music. He loves his Mommy. He is loving!

It really made me reflect. My Little Bear IS so loving. He is such a snuggler and so animated and funny!!! He truly brings Light wherever he goes. He is a strong little boy. He was born with a hole in the back of his skull, he underwent 3 brain surgeries and 3 other minor surgeries for various ailments. He has always endured with a smile! He has recovered faster than I ever would have been able to. He never complained and it never stomped out his inner light!!

I know that most teachers don't have the time or patience to nurture each child's fullest potential. And it is much easier to see a child's faults than strengths, especially when they are strong willed and demanding. But, our family has been so blessed to have found a place where teachers appreciate that determination and strong will are strengths. These are the exact strengths that have helped Luccio to survive and succeed!! And I am so grateful that Ms. Z reminded me what an amazing son I have!