Sunday, April 26, 2015

Excuse me, your pants are on fire.

Men lie. It's a universal truth. The question is not "if," but how much?  In my extensive research (consisting of living daily life for the past 40 years on Planet Earth which is inhabited in part by human males) I have found that human males start lying at an early age and continue throughout the duration of their lives. Also, there are varying degrees of lies they tell.

It starts simple, early on in life. Usually to avoid getting into trouble.
I remember a time when my brother was 4 years old. I was 7. We were playing in the backyard and my mother had specifically told us not to turn on the garden hose. At one point she came to the yard to check on us and said to my brother, "I told you not to touch the hose."  He turned to her and replied, "I'm not touching it."  As he stood there holding the garden hose with the water turned on at full blast.

I notice it with my own children too. Nothing sets a male child up to lie more than a mother walking into a room and asking a question like "What are you doing?"  "Who is yelling?" "Who broke the …?"
Immediately they start to deflect blame.  "It wasn't me" is not just a phrase that Shaggy made up for his song.  It is a staple of the male vocabulary.

It is almost as if it is instinct.  A female asks a question- a male will say something, anything. Even if it's a lie. Sometimes they don't even mean to lie.  They just do it and once the story starts spinning it just goes in circles.

Nothing illustrates it more than putting a few males in a room and asking what they did that day.  On Saturdays when Oz returns with my children (2 boys and 1 girl) I always ask, "How was your day? What did you do?"  It's really just conversation. But, my goodness to see Oz and the children try to piece together a story is quite a shit show.  One will start and then the next one corrects him and then they argue and Oz will jump in and offer his version of their day and before you know it…no one can remember.  Except my daughter.  I can always count on her.  She recalls the important facts and tells them straight without editing.

Because really that's the thing.  No one is lying to be devious in this scenario. It's just that they can't remember so instead of just saying that they put together a great story.  OR sometimes they do remember but they aren't sure how much they should say because they don't know what the reaction will be.  SO they "edit."

Now, I know a few people might say this sounds biased and that not just men lie. And that is true. However, I have found that males tend to lie more and with less discernment.

That is why I always go with my daughter's version of any story.  Because females tend to have minds like a steel trap and we store every bit of information away in there.  We know how to decipher the important parts and we tell it like it is more often than not because we know by instinct that nothing good ever comes from lying.

I always tell my children, don't bother lying because I always find out everything anyway. It will have just wasted everyone's time and accomplished nothing productive.

As boys grow up and become men their degrees of lying seem to vary greatly.  So do their reasons.

Maybe you have met a man that lies about where they went for lunch. He might be lying because he had been trying to not eat junk food but stopped off at McDonalds and doesn't want to disappoint you.  Or maybe he stopped at McDonalds because he was hungry, but when he arrived at your house he realized you had cooked a gourmet meal and so he lies and says he is starving so you won't feel bad.

Or maybe your man hands you his paycheck and forgets to mention the amount he put in his pocket (that you will of course find later when you do the laundry.) He will say he didn't remember this (lie of omission.) Since it is a grey area you may let it slide.  But, you may be checking pockets more often.

Maybe he lies and tells you he had sex with 25 people and you learn later it was more like 2.   Maybe he will tell you it was 2 people and you find out it was closer to 50.  Or maybe he will tell you he is a virgin, but you find out later he was married for 4 years. Or maybe you think you are the only woman he is talking to, sleeping with, etc.  Then you realize you are one of the women in what seems like a village.

My favorite is when a man tells you something and then forgets he told it to you.  Later, he will lie about the story or change a few details.  You will ask him about it and he will say, "Shit! I forgot I told you that."

Seriously in the dating world the endlessness of lies is vast. Some are so completely outrageous they are downright hilarious!

Others are so freaking close to the truth, yet not the exact truth.  They are about 3/4 of the story, but omit the most significant part. Those are the lies that hurt the most.  Because that is a person you probably have gotten close enough to that they confide in you, they tell you enough that there is some trust built up.  You feel a sense of security because you think you know enough.  Then BAM!  that one teeny, tiny, GIANT, explosive detail surfaces ~ because the truth always does.  And you realize - there are no exceptions to the rule.  Men lie.  You just have to hope you have found one decent enough to only lie about the small stuff!

Or maybe somewhere out there is the Unicorn of all Men ~ the man that tells the truth.   If you find him, let me know.

No comments:

Post a Comment