The Story of Meeting My Sweetest

Memories

Me, Crazy Cousin and Nonni

The kids had fun spending time with my parents this weekend. It brought back memories of my own grandparents. Until I was 8 or 9 years old I spent just about every Friday night sleeping over my Gram and Poppy's (my Dad's parents.)  My Mom would drop me off to my Gram at work on Friday afternoons.  Gram worked as a secretary for the Board of Ed and she was so proud to show me off to her co-workers and friends! Then we would go home and see Poppy.

We had our weekend routine. On Friday night Gram would go to Bingo and Poppy and I would go grocery shopping. I loved getting to help fill the cart and he always let me pick out whatever junk foods I wanted.  Then we would go to McDonalds and get Happy Meals and head home to watch The Dukes of Hazzard.  I know for sure there were shows Poppy would rather have watched.  Probably anything else.  But, he knew I loved Bo and Luke Duke and the General Lee so every Friday night we watch "our show."  When Gram got home from Bingo we would have ice cream.  It was a late night treat. They always had ice cream, always. It was the Breyers chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry combo.  So you could pick 1, 2 or 3 flavors and then Gram would let me pour as much chocolate syrup and whip cream as I wanted.  I stayed up until I was tired and slept as late as I wanted in the morning.  Then Poppy would make me french toast for breakfast and I spent most of the day in jammies watching tv.  Gram got a cable box way sooner than my parents or friends. So she had tons of channels to choose from, I loved it!

More often than not I would end staying over on Saturday nights.  And when my brother was old enough he would usually come over on Saturdays too. In the afternoon Poppy and I would go church.  I remember kneeling in the pews of that old cathedral and thinking how much I loved spending time with him.  I knew it was special. I can still smell his Old Spice aftershave that he wore just for church.  I remember being 6 years old and watching Poppy receive the Eucharist and I was determined to have that for myself.  I was so proud the first Saturday after my First Communion when I could finally get the Eucharist with Poppy!

On Saturday nights we played games.  Gram taught us to play pinnacle and poker and Go Fish.  She would bring out all of her nickels that she kept in a big jar and we could use the money to make bets.  Looking back now I can't help but laugh at that!!  They had a  snack cabinet filled with all "sugar cereals" that my brother loved. Gram would let him fill a salad bowl with cereal and pour as much milk as he wanted.  He would eat coco puffs and fruity pebbles and frosted flakes all mixed together.  It was all the cereals my mom never bought so the weekend at Gram's was extra special! She also kept a large supply of Fig Newtons and packs of gum.  My mom couldn't stand gum chewing or chomping as she always said.  But, Gram didn't mind. And she didn't get mad when I would get it stuck in my very long hair.  One time she spent a good part of the afternoon combing gum out of my hair and using peanut butter to try to salvage as many strands as possible so my hair wouldn't have be cut off. She was a determined lady for sure!

When we got older my brother and I still stayed over pretty often.  My bother stayed especially close with Gram in his teens and 20's.  During high school he and his friends would skip out of school and head to Gram's for lunch.  We aren't sure if she realized they had left school without permission or if she bought the idea that the school let them out early.  But, she was a smart lady and I have to believe she knew the truth and didn't admit to it because then she would have to make them go back to school.  There was nothing Gram loved better than feeding people, so breaking the rules or not she was feeding those teenagers!

Most Sundays we went to Gram and Poppy's for dinner.  Usually my brother and I were already there anyway so my parents would come over at dinner time and hang out too.  Dinner always included pasta which was and is still my favorite.  And always a meat. Gram was a carnivore for sure.  She and my brother shared a love for steak!  And she always reminded us not to fill up too much because we had to save room for dessert. Gram loved desserts, Poppy did too.  I don't know how she stayed so thin, but she loved her desserts. I take after her in my love for sweets, just wish I had her petite figure too!  One of Gram's greatest recipes was her Icebox Cake.  Layers of pudding separated with graham crackers.  Nothing quite compares to the perfection of gooey graham crackers and pudding.  She would make it for Sunday gatherings and birthdays or have Poppy drop one off at our house if someone was sick.  Years after Gram passed away I had my first miscarriage and I remember crying in bed and wishing I had some of her icebox cake. My Poppy heard about that request and showed up at my door with an Icebox Cake he made for me.  I cannot explain what a healing balm that warm pudding cake was. After that I found the strength to get moving again.

Gram and Poppy are gone now.  And sometimes I miss them so much. There are days that I think I might take ride over with the kids and visit. Then I remember they aren't there. I know Gram would have loved spoiling these little ones. Especially Luccio who is named for her.

I am grateful to still have my Nonni, my Mom's mom.  I have always been very close to Nonni and used to spent a lot of time with her and Grampa when he was alive.  I was very fortunate that my Mom stayed home to raise us so I had a lot of opportunity to spend time with my family even during the week.  We went to Nonni's a lot.  When I was very little we lived right next to her house and I went there daily.  As I got older I still spent a lot of time with her.  When I slept over she would take me and my Cousin Tracy aka Crazy Cousin to Bingo with her. Tracy and I are 9 months apart and growing up we were together a lot.  We loved Bingo nights with Nonni.  She used to take us Downtown too. Back when it was safe to ride on public transportation and hang out on the town green.  We would shop and then feed the pigeons in the park. I remember Nonni brushing our hair and braiding it.  Tracy and I used to complain because our hair was waist length and Nonni used a metal comb! But, she sure did know how to make the best ponytails!! And the best sauce in the world. NOTHING even comes close to Nonni's pasta sauce.  There is no written recipe for it and she can show you how to make it but it never comes out quite the same way twice.  My son Vincenzo loves his Nonni's sauce so much. Nothing makes an Italian great-grandmother prouder than watching her great-grandson enjoy her pasta.

When I was old enough I used go on trips to the Casino with Nonni and Grampa.  We had such fun times! We would go with my mom or aunts and cousins, sometimes we would stay over.  Grampa loved the Penny Machines! He really came alive at the Casino.  At home he would often look like a little old man. He would snuggle on his couch and be content to sit in the background while all the women in our lives would chat around him. He was a man of few words.  But, when he did have something to say it was always witty and had us laughing! When he stepped into the casino he was like a young man again and had such a spring to his step.  I still remember his cute little smile and great sense of humor!  One time I convinced him to go shopping with me at the Casino gift stores.  He told me he didn't go to the Casino to shop, but then took a detour into one of the stores and bought me a beautiful Native American doll.  He was so proud and it was such splurge, everything in those stores is so expensive but these dolls were just outrageously priced and he was like a little kid filled with happiness buying one for me!  I still have that doll and cherish it so much.  It reminds me of all the fun times I had with Grampa.

I have been so fortunate to have had Nonni there for my birth and still with me this year as I celebrated my 37th birthday.  Now that I have my own daughter we are 4 generations of women when we are all together. I pray that we have more years together and that my children will have memories of her that they will carry with them and treasure.

It is funny the things that you remember and cherish as you grow older.  Sometimes it is the slightest thing that will bring all of these wonderful moments flooding back.  The smells, sights, tastes and sounds that stay with you forever.  I love watching my children create new memories with their own grandparents, Stregga & Papa and Grandma & Papa.  And I am so blessed to have had so many great years with my Gram, Poppy, Grampa and Nonni.  Now I feel like making a pot of sauce and an icebox cake!

Princess Gun

I tried not to overreact when Isabella aimed her Barbie at me and said, "Princess Gun!" I didn't know if I should laugh or reprimand, so I used the best known parenting strategy when you are caught in a jam - I ignored it. We don't encourage gun play or purchase gun related toys. But, it seems inevitable that guns, shooting, and all around weaponry finds it's way into the imaginative play of children. I used to think it was gender related. Boys can turn everything from a french toast stick to a baggie tie into a gun. Or as my boys call them~ their "shooters." They have some play swords with pirate costumes that they always make sound like machine guns even though they have never actually seen one. We monitor what they watch on tv and talk about why we don't believe in gun play. But, they are 5 year old boys and don't live in bubbles so they have exposure to fake guns. One friend showed up over the holidays with his new plastic shotgun. The boys loved it! They also love going to that friend's house because they have an arsenal of Nerf guns. They can't think of anything cooler than that! For Christmas, Cousin Justin moved up to favorite status when he bought the boys their first Nerf guns. They were overjoyed! We had to set up some ground rules like you only use them in the playroom, don't aim them at people, use objects as targets, etc. I was pleasantly surprised how well they followed the rules and it also encouraged them to actually be in their playroom which had been filled with wonderful and educational toys for the past 5 years, but basically overlooked and ignored. When they ask Hubby and I why we don't like guns we are honest about telling them that guns hurt people and they are not toys. But, at the end of the day they are kids. They enjoy playing. And as long as they are not hurting anyone, that has to be enough right now. We will love them, teach them about the dignity of human life, and hope for the best. And every once in awhile I have to give in to a bit of laughter when my beautiful, thoughtful little baby takes aim at me with her Princess Gun.

Wave of Awareness

Our family is going to be WAlKing to support Hydrocephalus Awareness and Research. What exactly does that mean?? Well...
According to the Hydrocephalus Foundation:
"Hydrocephalus means there is an abnormal accumulation of cerebrospinal fluid (CSF) within the ventricles of the brain. This fluid builds up and causes the ventricals to enlarge and the pressure inside the head to increase. Hydrocephalus cannot be cured, but can be treated. The most common treatment is a surgical procedure to place a shunt inside the person's brain. The shunt channels the flow of fluid aways from the brain into another part of the body where it can be absorbed and transported ino the bloodstream. If left untreated it could result in permanent brain damage."

Hmmm, a lot to take in. Especially when I first heard the news that my son Luccio has Hydrocephalus. Luccio was born with a Neural Tube Defect (NTD) so essentially that meant that a part of his skull had a small opening causing fluid to build up into a small pocket that looked like a skin covered golf ball on the back of his head when he was born. We fondly called it his "Lumpy." Thankfully at 5 months old Lumpy was removed and his skull was repaired. But, closing up that area caused the fluid to build up and thus Luccio now has Hydrocephalus. So at 14 months old he was "shunted." His neurosurgeon had tried other less invasive pocedures first, but alas the shunt could not be avoided. So Lucci has a tube that is inserted in his ventricles around his brain and it drains fluid into his abdomen. Thus far, thank God its working very well!!

In the beginning it was very scary to me. Greg and I need to be able to be Luccio's advocates. But, it was so overwhelming. I felt like I am wasn't sure if I really knew enough about what i am doing. I think we have good plan in place for him, but is it aggressive enough? What does it mean for his future? For school? With friends? Sports? We are learning as we go. And we have met some wonderful people along they way.

We were going to a support group that helped a lot because we were able to talk with other parents in similar situations. But, in talking with them I realized more than ever that this is an ongoing process.

Hydrocephalus isn't going to go away. Luccio will have it and have to deal with it for the rest of his life. It makes me sad because I don't want him to think that there are limitations placed on him because of it or to struggle in anyway. I want to bubble wrap him and homeschool him so he won't have to deal with insensitive teachers or students! Not logical I know.

Right around Luccio's 3rd birthday, anxiety over him starting preschool was getting me down. I was worried about all that would be out of my control and all that could and would affect him during his school days. After a good cry and a long talk with my brother, I decided to take action! I become more educated about Luccio's rights and needs. We signed him up for school and give each year's teachers the benefit of the doubt. We prepared information for them so they became familiar with Hydrocephalus. And as a family we will educate our loved ones and those involved in Luccio's life as needed. We try to not only hope for the best, we expect it!! We will be his advocates, we will see to it that his needs are met and that he reaches his fullest potential. We will pray that God continues to bless him and our family! And we will pray for his teachers too because I pity the first one that isn't up to par.

And of course, homeschooling is always a great back-up plan, and maybe the bubble wrap too!!

And in the meantime, we have teamed up with the Hydrocephalus Association and we are going to WALK for awareness and pray to someday find a cure! We are so very blessed with generous family and friends that are helping us so much along the way!!!

Alvin Coconut

We have a new addition to our family, Vincenzo's baby Alvin Coconut! He is very loved and takes quite a bit of energy for me to babysit because his Daddy leaves a long list of expectations. For his 5th Birthday Vincenzo wanted to go to the American Girl Doll store and Cafe to celebrate! He convinced his twin brother it was a good idea and so he and Stregga planned the trip and let me tag along. Our good friend Amanda came to! We had so much fun! It is definitely geared towards girls, no doubt about it, the store is so pink and red and shiny and sparkly! The staff refers to everything as "for your girl" for your "birthday girl" etc. So we made quite an entrance when we were greeted at the door and announced we had arrived with our Birthday Boys! The woman at the front entrance looked a bit confused and sort of stepped back a bit to let us through. Luckily the Manager Ed, was fantastic! He made the boys feel very welcomed and showed us around the store. Vincenzo had been pouring over the store's catalog for months, so he knew just want he wanted. He went right for the Bitty Baby section and found his baby. Luccio seemed to be just along for the ride and birthday dessert. He didn't' mind the 2 hour car ride, but wasn't planning out exactly what he would purchase. Until we arrived, then he was so into the experience. He kept saying, "OMG, this store is so cool!" "Look at this, look at this, it's so cool!" He got right into it.

It is a two level store, so we went through the entire place and checked it all out before making our purchase selections. Vincenzo never wavered, he knew which Bitty Baby he wanted and he knew he wanted the crib and clothing for him. Of course, he was shopping with Stregga so he left with bags full of treasures. Both boys also picked stuffed dogs that they loved! We thought the dogs would be what Luccio would be happy with. But, he wasn't leaving without a Bitty Baby twin, he wanted the blond boy doll. Of course he couldn't understand that you don't just pick one off the shelf, you have to take the ones in the boxes. So he had a fit. He wanted the one from the shelf. And he wanted the hoodie it came with. Of course, you can't buy the hoodie separately, it only comes with the set of 2 dolls and all the extras-that we did not need. Luccio was crying and saying his birthday was "ruined" because he really wanted that hoodie for his doll. Luckily Ed saved the day and made special arrangements for the birthday boy to have the hoodie he wanted. Oh the drama!!

Next we had a delicious lunch in the cafe! The Bitty Babies were seated in their own high chairs and served their own cups, so cute!!!

On the ride home Cenzo cradled Alvin Coconut like the newborn he hoped for. But, Luccio's unnamed doll had only his diaper left on and was dancing inappropriately for most the 2 hour ride creating a lot of laughter in the backseat. Until Cenzo finally got sick of it and told him to tell his guy that it wasn't appropriate to act that way around a newborn.

Since arriving home, Unnamed Doll stays in Luccio's bed. He is not catered to in any way, but he holds a special spot among the stuffed animals and is always checked on to be sure he is there for bedtime.

Cenzo's baby, Alvin Coconut requires a bit more care. The first night Cenzo tucked his baby into his new crib with blankets and Fluffy. The next morning began a new tradition of the boys carrying out Alvin's crib to the living room, they each take a side. So funny! A weary Cenzo informed me, "It's a lot of work being a Daddy. I was up most of the night watching on my baby. I rested a little, but not much." Welcome to parenthood my friend.

There was moment of panic that first morning when Cenzo realized Alvin Coconut could not go to school with him. In the end it was agreed upon that Alvin would be strapped into his own carseat and take the ride to school, but not get out of the car. Isabella and I were recruited as babysitters. We were given a long, very detailed list of what to do and what not to do. He wrote some notes for us in case we forgot. Of course his notes looked like a bunch of letters and circles, but he explained what they meant.

Alvin Coconut's care instructions:

-He likes to drink his milk. He drinks from a bottle only. (I guess implying no one should nurse Alvin Coconut??) But, he does have a "machine" (cardboard box aka breast pump??) that his Daddy left for us to get him more milk when he needs it.

-He should have milk at least 3 or 40 times a day

-Alvin likes to wear his pink flowered sleeper. This is not pajamas and does not mean he is a girl. It's just his "Day Clothes." He really likes his Day Clothes. If he needs pajamas he can wear his blue sleeper, but he prefers his pink Day Clothes.

-He can sleep in his crib, with a blanket. He must have a blanket. And a hat when possible. It's best if the hat and blanket match.

-He is little and not used to sleeping alone, so his crib has to be in the room with me or Isabella at all times. If we are napping he can nap next to us, but can't be left in a room alone.

-He is brand new and doesn't understand things yet. So he can't be bad, so he can not be put in time out.

-He likes to be held upright in your arms. If you hold him back too far it makes him sleepy and his eyes close. Only hold him that way if it's time for him to sleep.

-He likes to be held a lot. Try to hold him a lot of the day.

-Don't let him cry, if he cries feed him or hold him a lot more.

-He likes to go out, but he needs his carseat in the car.

I have to admit I was stressed the first day because Isabella and I had quite the responsibility in caring for Alvin Coconut. Especially since he comes with a Baby Record book and I had to check off if we fed, rocked, changed and held him!

Isabella likes Alvin and will often look at him and say, "Cenzo Baby." And she holds him a lot. But, truth be told Alvin spends most of his days in the Mom Mobile either with Isabella and I while we run errands, or on his own while we do whatever we do.

But, at the end of every day we are accountable to tell his Daddy about his activities. So we try to be sure to hold him a bit. And I always make sure to think of a few highlights like Alvin liked going to Isabella's mommy & me class, he visited Stregga, etc. I have to be specific because his Daddy likes to know how many hours did he sleep? How many ounces did he drink? Luckily for me his Daddy still hasn't gotten the whole Math thing down, so he is happy to hear Alvin slept for 27 hours and drank 152 ounces of milk.

Vincenzo has gotten some odd looks and comments from people, even some laughter. People can't quite get why a boy would want his birthday at American Girl store and cafe. They are a bit taken aback when he comes running in with his baby and stroller and diaper bag. It was especially a bit of a shock when he went on a sleepover at a friend's house and arrived with Alvin Coconut and his crib. He takes it in stride. He gets a bit shy or embarrassed when he takes Alvin to a new place or someone's house. He feels the environment out for awhile before he is comfortable including Alvin in socializing. One day he put him in bag and left him next to him. At other times he knows he is in a nurturing environment and unloads all of Alvin's treasures and clothes and shares him with people around him.We have very loving family and friends and they have all welcomed Alvin.

I hate that Cenzo knows to feel uncomfortable in any way for being a loving little guy. But, I am proud that he doesn't let that stop him. In fact, he has even recruited a few friends into his Stroller Brigade. He had his brother and his best friend James actually fighting over which strollers they would use, LOL!

Like Stregga says, he is a good Daddy and has obviously received a lot of love and nurturing. And he has the Best Daddy Ever as a role model!

The Layers Between Us

Spent last week on vacation with the family. It was fantastic and surprisingly relaxing! I even had a chance to ponder life a bit. Although with 3 kids the ponderings were not solitary and always somehow connected to the potty. I think the most profound musing I had all week resulted from one of our many visits to public restrooms with the kids. I was shuffling the boys into the stall, a tight fit for 3 people. Add some sand and wet bathing suits and it was just a joy, not to mention the floor was soaked from God knows what and there were no garbages provided so it made for interesting hand washing. Anyway there was a moment of debate between a "clean sweep" of the toilet seat using some toilet paper or lining with rows of tissue instead? Nothing is simple with twin 4 year olds and so we went round and round and finally I encouraged those who can stand, do. And do not touch anything that isn't necessary. Out of the chaos came enlightenment when the boys asked, what is on the seat that they shouldn't touch? and how is toilet paper protecting them from it?

Uh, good questions. Well nasty, gross germs from disgusting pee and poop may be on the seat. And I guess toilet paper protects you because its what everyone does.

But, seriously folks...why do we toilet paper a seat? I mean really what good can that piece of tissue do? If all that is protecting us from contracting a life or death disease is a thin piece of tissue, how safe can that be? UGH!

When I wasn't playing "The Why Game" with the boys, or wiping anyone's behind, I was actually enjoying some leisure time. It helped that my parents vacationed with us. Nothing like outnumbering the kids to make for a great trip!! We spent the days at the beach, the afternoons napping, the evenings playing mini golf, riding go carts, eating ice cream, watching the sunset. It was glorious!! I was happy to get to read some books. The boys enjoyed building sand castles and surfing, the Princess loved being outdoors. Hubby and my parents enjoyed the time to relax and play too! And along the way we got to examine some of life's greatest mysteries. Summer is the best!

Magic Moments

We set up a Fairy House in our garden. I wasn't sure how the kids would react to the idea, but they loved it. Not a moment of doubt or hesitation. They got right to work picking out the perfect spot tucked under the butterfly bush because butterfly bushes are a fairy's favorite spot to hang out. They added sparkling stones, rocks, seashells and sticks to cozy the place up. And then we waited and waited to see if any fairies would move in. I told them fairies like to have their houses in secret gardens so we may not actually see them. But, we waited and watched anyway.

When they were distracted I added some tiny dollhouse furniture to the set up. Vincenzo found it right away, he was screaming with joy at the new discovery! Luccio ran over to observe and confirmed for all of us that the fairies had definitely moved in! Isabella was right on their heels and sat in the grass staring into the tiny houses with them.

Later, my teenage nephew came over and the kids couldn't wait to show him the Fairy House. I was worried that he would make fun of them or squash their magical experience. But, I should have known better. Right away Nikko reminded them of the Magic Fairy that visits Stregga's house and leaves money in a special jar. He told them how she used to leave the money for him, but now it's for them. Vincenzo has collected money from that jar and was so excited! Nikko wondered to the boys if the Magic Fairy was related to the ones that moved into our garden? Something to ponder for sure! They were thrilled at that thought.

At that moment I sat down on a nearby chair and thought about what a magical experience I was witnessing. It didn't matter that we were all covered in dirt and mulch and sweat from gardening or that Isabella had snot dripping from her nose and had spent the morning fussing and clinging to me or that the boys had been fighting over the same toy since their eyes opened that morning. All of that faded as I sipped on my iced coffee that had been melting in the hot sun for two hours. All I could think of was how grateful I am that Hubby and I are able to make it work so that I am home to raise our family and witness moments like this. This childhood magic will dissipate soon and the world will contradict innocence and they will grow up and move on and that fairy house will be abandoned. But, now in this moment I thank God for this life and the ability to experience wonder through the eyes of my children.

And then Vincenzo leaned on Luccio and knocked him over and they started wrestling and Isabella climbed onto the heap and then chaos ensued. Ah, life is good!

Independence Day

July 4th has me reminiscing on my own Independence Day declared July 4, 2001. Before Hubby, before my precious babies, before 9/11 when the world was still safe and I was still single, I spent Independence Day traveling across the ocean to Italy for a few weeks on my own. I was 26 years old and it was the first time I was truly on my own. I lived in college dorms with hundreds of people and roommates, I have lived in a volunteer community with friends and roomies, but I had never really been alone for more than a few hours or at most a day. Italy was a big deal for me, it meant independence and meant finding myself. At 26 with no husband or kids I thought about things like that. That I would find myself somewhere or somehow. Like I was missing? Who knows. But, at the time it was a priority. I was on a constant quest to find Inner Peace. It took spending time in Assisi, Italy the birthplace of St. Francis for me to realize Peace was there all along.

It was such an incredible trip. It started with a 6 hour delay at JFK airport where I met some random strangers and read 2 books. Apparently Alitalia Airlines was on strike. Luckily they settled things and I got off the ground. Finally after an 8 hour flight I arrived in a new country, The Old Country, the place of origin for my Italian American roots. I had been there before but this time was different, I was on my own. So everything looked different, sounded different. I am SUCH an American. I thought everyone speaks English and celebrates with BBQs on the 4th of July. Foreign travel is always so humbling because then I realize Thanksgiving is NOT celebrated in England and the birthday of The United States of America is NOT celebrated in Italy. It's just another day and I was just another American that didn't speak Italian. I had taken classes before going so I understood enough to get around, but not enough to understand that my train to Florence made a stop and I needed to get off and change trains. Luckily an older woman next to me took pity and realized I had no idea where I was and directed to me to the transfer train. We could barely hold a conversation, but we bonded and ended up being pen pals for years. I communicated enough to figure out how to order coffee, cafe americano. But, I couldn't communicate that my nails need acrylic repair (those were the days when I had no kids and thought nothing of spending $25 a week on fake nails, their upkeep was high on the priority list, even in Italy.)

I stayed at a religious boarding house, Casa Immacoolata. My stay there had been arranged by a priest friend of mine that I used to work with. The Franciscan Sisters that run the house were amazing. They took me under their wing and advised me on how to get around Assisi and travel into Florence, etc. Assisi is a medieval Village, a walled city, one of the most peaceful places on Earth. The population is around 500, the visitor toll is in the thousands. People travel from all over to visit St. Francis's tomb. All races and religions stand near his tomb and bask in the absolute power of God and feeling of Peace. It is unreal. It took a few planes, trains and a walk up a steep hill to arrive, but I got there. I settled in.

I spent the first 2 days a bit jet lagged and cultured shocked. I wandered the town, visited the Basilica, found quiet places to read and journal. I sat in the Piazza and had coffee. I adjusted to the idea that there are no screens on the windows and its too hot to close them at night. I got over the fear of the bats that circled at night and slept without my ear plugs and sleep mask for the first time in years. I was so exhausted and so at peace that I didn't even think of them flying in the windows at night after awhile. I was lulled to sleep by their shrieking. This was a major step for me. Especially since I wouldn't even stay home alone at night in my own house.

After a few days I met people. I met Brother Barry. He was in Assisi for a Friars convention. We had a lot in common, he was a kindred spirit. We talked for hours and met in the Piazza at night to listen to music. We both had curfews. The boarding houses we stayed in were run by religious groups, he was a member of his group. We had to be in by 10:15 pm. Or the doors locked. So we laughed about that! We talked and talked for hours. He had the peaceful spirit of Francis. He stayed for over a week. On the last day his Order of Friars were meeting for Mass at the Tomb. He invited me to attend, but I didn't have an alarm clock so he told me to tell my angels to wake me in time. I laughed and said goodbye just in case I didn't make it to the 7 am Mass. At 6:30 the next morning sure enough my angels woke me in just enough time to dress and get to The Basilica. The Mass could not have been more incredible. All of those Friars celebrating together at the Tomb of St. Francis. Peace was everywhere that morning. After Barry left, I missed my friend, but I knew I would have more adventures in the time that remained. Barry and I would stay in touch over the next few years and visit with each other again in Toronto during World Youth 2002. By then I would have had my first few dates with Hubby and be on the way to the rest of my life. In Italy I didn't know that yet, but I had a feeling one morning when I visited the San Damiano Chapel that life would work out exactly as it was supposed to.

I had saved San Damiano for last. I first visited the house Francis grew up in, and some of the places in the Umbria area where he traveled and ministered. I went to his tomb daily and sat and absorbed his Peacefulness. I met a group traveling from Australia, they stayed for a few days. I met a Luca on a train back from Florence. He had visited America and thought it was great so he loved having someone to chat with about it. I became good friends with some of the Sisters that ran the boarding house I stayed in. They showed me some of the sights that were less touristy. We had gelato every night in town. They made yummy fresh food. So fresh in fact that one morning I realized there were a few less chickens in the yard. My vegetarian tendencies told me to panic, but the spirit of Francis told me to go with the flow. It was great food, great pieced together Italian/English conversations over meals.

One of the Sisters gave me a ride to Mount Subasio. Francis spent months praying there. I couldn't wait to get there. It was one of my last stops in Assisi. I was introduced to Franco, a man that worked security there and the Sister assured me he would give me a ride back into town when I was ready. I was at the top of Mt. Subasio completely alone in the woods with only Franco out that gates. I was a long way from home. I could see all of Assisi from where I stood. I knew it was unsafe walking the winding roads back into town, I had heard of things happening. And it was far. So Franco was my best option. I trusted the Sisters opinion and stayed to pray. I spent hours there. Lost track of time really. It was such an amazing space to be in. And Franco made good on his promise to get me back safely. He was such a nice guy and talked about his family and how wonderful the Sisters had been to them.

I met people of God everywhere I went in Assisi. I met Claudia and Flavia. Claudia is a true "Townie." She walks all day. Anywhere you go in Assisi, at any time you are likely to see Claudia walking. She has had hardship and life has taken it's toll on her, but she walks and she welcomes. She has an edge. She hold you accountable. She wanted to know, was I a Tourist or a Pilgrim? I think back to that question so often in life. Am I here sightseeing, just along for the ride? Or do I really want to be a part of the bigger picture, the amazement, the wonder the reality of what God has to offer. I thought long and hard before I answered her and finally I said, I guess I am a little bit of both. I wanted to go to Florence and buy pocketbooks and jewelry and I did. I wanted to take pictures of Saint Clare's preserved body. But, at the same time I was moved by it. I was in awe of the woman that gave her life to God and followed Francis in his spiritual ways and was left untouched by death. I guess I am a Tourist that is striving to be a Pilgrim. Trying to find the sacred in the everyday. Claudia and her daughter, Flavia traveled with me and one of the Sisters to Perugia. A nearby village. It is the famous sight of the story Francis and The Wolf. The Wolf had been terrorizing the people, but Francis and his gentle spirit tamed the wolf. Then the people fed the wolf and he became their beloved pet. I love that story. I loved Perugia. It was quant, lots of great little stores and tiny chapels where Francis had spent time. It wasn't as sacred feeling as Assisi. But, it was a nice spot to visit for a day.

By the end of the weeks I spent there I had met so many people and prayed in so many churches and sat and journaled in so many beautiful scenic areas. Finally at the end of that time I was ready to go to San Damiano, the place where God appeared to Francis and told him his mission. I went there on a Sunday. It was quieter than I had imagined. Almost deserted, although I am sure there were people there sightseeing. There were always people there. But, it wasn't crowded. I soaked up the feeling in the Chapel. I remember being there, but nothing stands out in my memory. Until I went walking back up the the huge hill towards town. There was a large circle in the center of the path. It was the halfway point back up the hill. It was hot and the sun was blazing. I stopped in the center of that circle. I closed my eyes and felt a cool breeze. I will never forget that Circle, that sacred space. For the first time in my life I stopped, I took it all in. I felt Peace. I realized it was in my heart all along. I knew life would unfold just as it should. All of the things I prayed for, would be in time. Not necessarily exactly like I pictured or in the timing I expected, but as it should be. When I get stressed out, overwhelmed, discouraged with life. I think back to that moment. I feel that moment and that sense of Peace washes over me. It was a sacred gift, one that I hope I can hold onto for a long time.

I was sad leaving Assisi. I felt that even though I wanted to return someday, I knew in my heart of heart that it wouldn't be the same. I will go back again. I have to. My dream is to bring my children someday. For them to experience the sacred, ancient place of Assisi. To see the beautiful countryside, the fields of lavender, the rose colored buildings at sunset. To hear the Italian language spoken as our ancestors spoke it. I want them to go to Rome and Florence and sight see and be tourists too, but, to have a spiritual journey like Assisi is priceless.

When I stood at the top of Mount Subasio and looked out at the view enjoying the peacefulness of life, I never could have known that 2 months later the United States would suffer a terrorist attack that would change lives forever. I didn't know I would be gripped with fear on airplanes in the future or afraid to be out at night in strange cities alone, I didn't know that fear would motivate me to stay closer to home and cling to a smaller radius to live life. I didn't know that type of fear would remain underlying in everything over the next years as I started a family, I didn't know I would be a mom that makes neurotic decisions in an effort to protect my children because the world is scary and bad things can happen. In that moment in Assisi, I was independent, free and at peace. I draw on that experience often. I try to fight the fear and still enjoy peacefulness. When the Evening News overwhelms me I tend to change the channel, when horrible things happen I tend to pray for a better world. And underneath all the fear I still cling to the belief that life is good. I hope someday I will get back to beautiful Assisi. For now, I am grateful for the experiences I had and for the chance to be independent, to discern what is truly important so I can treasure all of the blessings I have in life!

Sesame Place 2011

We went on our 2nd Annual Family vacation to Sesame Place this week. It was fantastic!! I was worried it wasn't going to be as great as last year because we had LOVED it so much. I was afraid we would go back and it wouldn't have the same magic. But, it was even better! We booked the same hotel suite which was great because the location was so close to Sesame and they provide a shuttle to and from the park. And the kitchen came in handy when we needed to make dinner etc. And the Sesame Place Park was just as great as we all remembered. We were so lucky that my good friend Steph aka "Sis" gave us the tickets to the park! What a wonderful gift!!

I couldn't believe how much the boys remembered of the trip from last year. When we arrived, they knew which pools they wanted to stop at first and where the stores were and what rides they wanted to go on. The great thing about the Park is that its small enough that you can walk the whole place in about 10 minutes. It was crowded, but there was so much to do that it didn't matter. We saw the parade twice and the Elmo's World Show. They boys volunteered to be in the show and it was hysterical. It was a Dancing Theme show so they were up there break dancing and hookie-lauing with Elmo, LOL! Luccio was so into it that he could barely contain himself, he was dancing even during the parts where he was supposed to be sitting down. The lady next to us said it, "looks like someone has Happy Feet." LOL

We spent two days at the Park, the first day we kind of bopped around seeing what the kids wanted to do. They wanted to everything at once, but then they realized we had plenty of time so they settled in and relaxed. Luccio loved the pools. He stayed in the wading pool for hours. He met lots of little kids that immediately became his best friends! And Vincenzo was really into the rides this year. So he went off with Hubby to ride the big kid rides. Luccio rode a few times with them too, even The Rocket which is really a big ride! I was a wreck, but they loved it!

Miss Isabella did very well too, she is quite the vacationer, LOL! She really liked the shows and parade, she like the little sprinkler pools and she was happy to sit in her stroller sightseeing. She even rode some big kid rides! I was worried because we went a spinning ride with her and I was so dizzy, but she loved it! She was shouting, "Woo Hoo" and laughing!

And when she was tired she climbed into her stroller and took naps.

Stregga came with us again this year too! She loves the amusement parks as much as the kids. It was nice having extra help with the kids. And the kids loved getting extra spoiled! She gave them lots special attention and packed a bag of fun stuff to play with at the hotel. She took them into the gift shops and let them pick out a gift each day. And Cenzo loved going on the Flying Elmo ride with her. Stregga was scared, so Cenzo added to her fear by pressing the button to keep the ride up high the whole time, stinker!!! He thought it was hilarious!

Hubby had a blast too. A few times Stregga and I would look around for him and the boys and he would be in a line dancing and singing Elmo tunes. Yep, that's my Sweetest!

I just loved watching the kids smiling faces all day! It was the best! We will have these memories to talk about for years to come!