Furnishings

 If you lined up the guys I have found attractive, you wouldn't think I have a TYPE. At first glance, they seem very different. The way I connected with each is unique too.

Over the years some have meant more than others. Some were better as friends, others are stories that are only funny long after the fact.

But, 3 matter most to me because they have had an impact on who I am becoming.

One was an emotional connection, one was a physical connection and one was a soul connection.  If they were merged, they would be the perfect man.


Yet despite their differences, they are very much the same.  They are Protectors, nurturing, creative, funny, great story tellers and charismatic.  I do love charisma.  I have loved each of them to different degrees and in different ways.

 None of those 3 were The One,  but I found a bit more of myself from the lessons they taught me.

They have each gone on to different directions, new lives, fresh starts. But, I am reminded of those lessons when I reflect on how much of my home was furnished in their wake.

I have not lived with them all, yet my home contains pieces of them.

One left behind dressers and bunk beds for my boys and a poop emoji pillow.

Another left a kitchen table, TVs, tv stands, end tables, a washing machine, a giant ramp for toy car races, a bed for my daughter, a trampoline, a shop vac, some custom made bookshelves and a Unicorn.

The other gave me some fans, a lamp,  a robotic garbage can and a teddy bear.

Now don't get me wrong...2 of those men have made me so mad at various times, that I took great joy in throwing out some of their belongings. A well-worn orange Nike shirt was my favorite things to shove in a garbage bag. And I will never, EVER miss the 6 foot plastic Christmas tree.

But, the parts that I kept seemed to fit. I accepted them and have made them my own.

I used to think that being the one to stay meant that I was stuck, like I was tied down somehow with no escape.  But, as I learn from each lesson, I gain a better understanding of myself.

Being stable, having a strong foundation for me and my children...it's not being stuck.  It is a choice and because I have built that foundation so strong... I can stay. I have the freedom to stay and build. I don't need to leave in order to restart. I take the pieces of what I have around me and I add on to that life and to this home that I have made.

In staying, I have restarted over and over, but each time I am not back at zero.  I restart from where I left off, sometimes a little more wary, a little more ragged. But, more often than not I continue on stronger, smarter, and more alive that I used to be. I finally realized somewhere along the way, I have actually become content in my house and within myself.

These comforts of home remind me of what I have chosen to keep as I move forward on my path.

I value the insights, the lessons, and the furnishings I have picked up along my way.